Emotional Release Techniques - Deep Grieving
by Robert Burney

"We need to own and release the anger and rage at our parents, our teachers
or ministers or other authority figures, including the concept of God that was
forced on us while we were growing up. We do not necessarily need to vent that
anger directly to them but we need to release the energy. We need to let that
child inside of us scream, "I hate you, I hate you," while we beat on pillows
or some such thing, because that is how a child expresses anger."

"It is necessary to own and honor the child who we were in order to Love the
person we are. And the only way to do that is to own that child's
experiences, honor that child's feelings, and release the emotional grief energy
that we
are still carrying around."

"We cannot learn to Love without honoring our Rage!

We cannot allow ourselves to be Truly Intimate with ourselves or anyone else
without owning our Grief.

We cannot clearly reconnect with the Light unless we are willing to own and
honor our experience of the Darkness.

We cannot fully feel the Joy unless we are willing to feel the Sadness.

We need to do our emotional healing, to heal our wounded souls, in order to
reconnect with our Souls on the highest vibrational levels. In order to
reconnect with the God-Force that is Love and Light, Joy and Truth."

In order to stop reacting to life out of the old wounds and old tapes from
our childhood - to become empowered to live life as a mature adult - it is
necessary to do the inner child healing work. And in order to do the inner
child
work we need to be willing to do the grief work. Grief is energy that needs to
be released. Emotions are energy and that energy needs to be released through
crying and raging. In order to own our self, it is vitally important to feel
our pain, sadness, and rage. If we don't have permission from ourselves to
feel the "negative" feelings then we also cannot feel the Joy, Love, and
happiness.

We need to own and honor the feelings in order to start forgiving ourselves
and start learning how to Love our self. It is very important to own our
feelings about what happened to us. It is extremely important to own our right
to
be angry that our needs were not met.

Part of grief work is simply owning/feeling the sadness and the anger. We
need to feel the grief about what happened to us as children and then we also
need to own the grief over what effect it has had on us as an adult. Grieving
is a very different experience from being depressed. While we are grieving we
can still appreciate a beautiful sunset or be happy to see a friend or be
grateful to be sad. Depression is being in a dark tunnel where there are no
beautiful sunsets.

The deep grieving work is energy work. Once we can get out of our heads and
start paying attention to what is happening in our body then we can start
releasing the emotional energy. When we get to a place where the emotions are
coming up - when the voice starts breaking - the first thing I have to tell
people
is to keep breathing. We automatically stop breathing and close our throats
when the feelings get close to the surface.

At the point where the voice starts breaking and the eyes start tearing, the
technique is to locate where the energy is concentrated in the body. It can
be any place from head to feet - much of the time it is in our back because
that is where we carry stuff we don't want to look at, or in the area of the
solar plexus (anger or fear) or heart chakra (pain, broken heart) or chest
(sadness). It can be very revealing what side of the body it is on (right -
masculine, left - feminine) or what chakra it is near.

I tell people to scan their bodies for tension or tightness and then to
breathe directly into the place we have identified. Visualizes breathing white
light directly into that part of the body. That starts breaking up the energy
and
little balls of energy start getting released. These balls of energy are the
sobs. This is a terrifying place to be for the ego because it feels out of
control - it is a wonderful place to be from a healing perspective. Empowering
the healing is going with the flow - inhale the white Light, exhale the sobs.
Sobs, tears, snot from the nose, are all forms of energy being released.
You can be in the witness watching yourself - owning and releasing the emotional
energy that has been trapped in your body - and control the process at the
same time you are in the pain. (It is very important to own the feelings - i.e.
give our self permission to feel them. If we are crying or angry and then
shame our self for those feelings we are abusing ourselves for our wound and
replacing the energy faster than we are releasing it.)

By controlling the process I am referring to choosing to align self with the
energy flow, surrendering to the flow, instead of shutting it down as the
terrified ego wants to do. It is very hard to learn this process without a safe
place to do it, and someone who knows what they are doing to facilitate it.
Once you have learned how to do it then it is possible to facilitate your own
grief processing.

The anger work is also an energy flow process. The bat (tennis racket,
bataka, pillow, whatever) is lifted over the head as you inhale and then as you
hit
the pillow you expel the energy - in shout, a grunt, a "fuck you", a scream,
whatever words come to you. Inhale, exhale - open your throat to say whatever
needs to be said. Own your voice. Own the child's voice. Sometimes the
child in us will shout "I hate you, I hate you." That doesn't mean we
necessarily
hate the person - it means we hate how their behavior hurt us.

It is vitally important for us to own our right to be angry about what
happened to us or about the ways we were deprived. If we do not own our right to
be
angry about what happened in childhood it greatly impairs our ability to set
boundaries as an adult.

Every time we go into the deep grieving place and release some of the energy
through crying and raging (sometimes we need to rage to get to the tears or
vise versa) we take a little power away from that particular wound. The next
time we touch on that wound it won't be quite as emotional or terrifying. (This
is relative of course, if we have been suppressing something for many years
it may take a number of sessions before we can actually feel that it has less
power.)

It is terrifying to face healing the emotional wounds. It takes great courage
and faith to do the grief work. And it is what will change our relationship
with our self at it's core. Working from the outside-in (i.e. learning how
to have boundaries, be assertive, etc.) it will take a very long time to change
our behavior in our most intimate relationships. Working from the inside-out
by owning and healing our relationship with ourselves at a causal level - our
childhood - will result in us surprising ourselves because we will start to
naturally and normally own our right to speak up and have boundaries without
even having to think about it.

It is our pain. It is our anger. If we don't own it, then we are not owning
our self.


The distance between insanity and genius is measured only by success.


AZDoc:
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End Verbal Abuse Group Leader
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