How to be UNhappy...

(compiled from a bunch of formerly miserable persons!)

Make little things bother you. Don't just let them, MAKE them.

Lose your perspective on things and keep it lost: don't put first things
first.

Get yourself a good worry, one about which you cannot do anything.

Be a perfectionist, which means not that you work hard to do your best, but
that you condemn yourself and others for not achieving perfection.

Be right. Be always right. Be the only one who is always right, and be rigid
in your rightness.

Don't trust or believe people, or accept them at anything but their worst and
weakest. Be suspicious. Insist that others always have hidden motives.

Always compare yourself unfavorably to others. This guarantees instant
misery.

Take personally everything that happens to you.

Don't give yourself wholeheartedly to anyone or anything. Get rid of your
sense of humor. Life is very serious and you should take yourself seriously.

Two words: self-pity and lots of it. The whole world is definitely against
you.

Cultivate bad, addictive habits in yourself. Drink a lot. Smoke a lot. Eat
a lot.

Go silent whenever someone sparks up a conversation that you don't know
about. Make sure to fidget, squirm, roll your eyes and bite your nails to the
quick. Quickly change the subject at the first opportunity.

Always build yourself up at the expense of others. Say things like "I
could've told you that."

You have the power to change other human beings.

All people other than yourself are broken and you can fix them since you have
Godly power.

You can fix another person, but you can't do squat about yourself.

Become irresistibly attracted to people who will never be there for you, on
any level, ever....

Never say "I'm sorry."

Make sure you take things people say to you as an insult, and let them know
it - especially if you know they didn't mean it that way!

Ask for help from somebody who is unsuccessful 4 weeks before the most
important exam of your life and then believe them when they say, "Nobody ever
passes
that exam"

Remember every little wrong that has ever been done to you, real or imagined.
Gather those bad feelings & put them in a bag - it will be a large and heavy
package. Then drag that bag behind you everywhere you go for the rest of your
life. It is your ticket to unhappiness and your proof of how right you are
about everything!

Scrutinize your partner's path with God and tell them what you see that they
are doing wrong. After all, God talks to you, therefore you know what is best
for others where God is concerned.

Make sure you vocalize your unhappiness to your loved ones, every day! Share
the wealth, take them with you!

Say mean, hateful things about other people when they aren't around, but be
nice to them when they are. Be sure no one except your partner hears the words
you speak.

Tell your partner how much you can't wait to get rid of them and remove them
from your life. The next day, tell that same person how much you love them and
how lucky you feel having being able to share your life with them.

Yell, scream, and belittle your partner until they cry. Then smugly proclaim
what a baby they are.

Surround yourself with misogynistic alcoholics who cannot maintain a
relationship.

"Don't ever let yourself feel pain or fear or sorrow. Instead, turn it
instantly into anger, and then make sure to let your partner see that anger."

"Always remember that if your partner loves you, he or she can read your
mind. There is never a need to share openly with them how you feel."

"Keep careful track of everything you do for your partner, and vice-versa.
Remember, the person with the highest score loves the other the most. Be sure to
keep your partner appraised of the score - especially when you are ahead."

"Believe every single negative thing anyone ever says about you. Forget about
anything positive - they were obviously wrong!"

"Don't waste your time trying to better yourself. People that love you will
obviously put up with anything you want to do. Instead, work diligently to
change others - that is much more fun."

"Admitting you have a problem is the first, and a huge, step towards
recovery. Be proud that you have the wonderful insight and honesty to admit you
have a
problem and stop right there. That should be plenty of work for anyone!"

"Surround yourself with only people that agree with everything you say. The
last thing you need is contradictory opinions!"

"Don't think about your own flaws much at all - this only causes problems.
After all, ignorance is bliss."

"Dwell on your flaws all the time. Never miss a chance to remind yourself
that you are an imperfect person."

"Remember, home is where you can let your hair down and relax. No need to be
polite and put your best foot forward at home. Save your best for the outside
world."

Refuse to be responsible. Let others, especially your wealthy parents or
spouse, support you financially. That way it doesn't matter if you can't hold a
job, can't get a credit card, can't get a checking account or can't balance a
checkbook if you do somehow get one!

Go to work, and make up horrible things about your partner. When they give
you advice on your lies, believe it. Pattern your behavior around it.

Get advice on your relationship from a family member who has repeatedly
abused and abandoned you in the past.

Get angry when you are worried about your partner leaving, and then yell,
scream, accuse and abuse them so they know how much they mean to you.

Go to jail for domestic violence on your Anniversary, Thanksgiving and
Christmas in the same year, and then tell everyone how much YOU hate holidays.

Stop yelling and being angry all the time, because your wife is wise to it
and has learned how to stop it. Instead, sigh and moan and groan constantly when
near her so she can't help but notice you now that you're being such a great
guy.

Make sure to put your wife into no win situations often, especially in front
of the kids. That way, no matter how she acts or reacts, she will look bad. As
a result, you look like the good guy.

Spend as much time working as possible, since those are the people who admire
you the most. Then, when you're home, remind your family about how loved you
are at work. Remind them frequently that something must be wrong with all of
them--everyone at work thinks you're the best.

Tell your kids often how they could be the best athlete, best student, best
everything if they would just work out, or study, or do everything just like
you. And when they don't do as you advise them, tell them what losers they are
and will be.

If you get angry about something be sure not to talk about the problem and to
clear it up. Instead be vague and insist that there is no point in discussing
it as it has been discussed a million times before but carry on about it and
make sure it remains a problem.

Remember you are perfect. It is always the other person's fault.

Abuse with an excuse: "I Did It Because I Love You".

Always remember...when expressing sorrow for having hurt the one you
love...do so by also explaining that had it NOT been for THEM...you COULD
never...you
WOULD never have committed such a horrendous act. Frequent use of this method
will not only guarantee your unhappiness as before long.....your spouse will
start to respond! Indeed! Misery loves company so use this one to your
advantage. Soon.....no one will find reason to smile!

Always remember...words without actions are meaningless, therefore...strive
to ensure continued contradictions between the two. An increased state of
confusion also increases the chances of UNhappiness. It may take some time but
nothing worth having comes withOUT a price!

If your spouse repeatedly attempts to explain the she's feeling alone,
neglected, frightened, abandoned, ignored or dismissed entirely...take a few
moments
to demonstrate how much you REALLY care by either: nodding your head, walking
away, grunting or MY personal favourite, by falling asleep. If she responds
with anger and frustration or God forbid, she indicates that she's feeling
deeply hurt.......express further concern by acknowledging that she clearly
needs
SOMEone to talk to. If you truly love her, offer to find her a good therapist.
If after years of dealing with her constant expectations, her continued
demands that if nothing else she deserves even a little respect...leave
her...she's
a b&%ch! (Sorry Dr. I. - couldn't resist)

Always remember...you can repeat the SAME promise over and over and over
again but ONLY if you continually break the initial promise. If confronted with
this dilemma...never forget...it's not YOUR fault that someone ELSE'S behaviour
compels YOU to act in ways that constantly force YOU to apologize. This one is
fun as it allows you...the one who repeatedly breaks promises...to
demonstrate not only how intelligent you are but how incredibly righteous you
are as
well. WOW! You DO have a purpose!!!

"Be an emotional martyr! Wear a fake smile and never need help from anyone!
That way you can feel justifiably angry when people think that you never
experience any 'real problems'. Then one fine day, when you feel ready to spread
your vitriol, unload your tales of woe on somebody who looks too happy for you
to
take. This works best when you have no intention of dealing with what ails
you."

" 'It's not my fault. If only...' If only everybody did what you wanted, you
would not be in such misery, so blame everybody else, blame everything else,
blame it on Rio, the full moon, whatever, but it is not your fault. You are not
accountable to anyone, not even yourself!"

"Resentment is a dish best served hot, swimming in a rich sauce of
self-pity."

"Make this your mantra: Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, the world is
against me! Say it enough, and you'll be darned if it weren't true!"

"Be inconsistent and unpredictable in your affection toward your spouse. They
may never know if you truly love them, but at least they can't say you are
boring."

Make everyone feel guilty for not giving you enough attention and praise.

Make your wife feel guilty for not constantly noticing you and admiring you.

Make your kids feel guilty for not saying "thank you" when you do things with
them.

Let everyone know how lucky they are that you are in their presence.


Always do right. That will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

~ Mark Twain


Fallen Officer: Kenneth L. Collings
http://hometown.aol.com/azterri/kenny.html


AZTerri
http://profiles.yahoo.com/arizona_terri


End Verbal Abuse Group Leader
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/End_Verbal_Abuse






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