Appearance to the world of the people-pleasing personality

Very organized

Easily liked

Placators or appeasers

Friendly, outgoing, gregarious

Helpful, supportive

Courteous and considerate of others

Always smiling

Interested in others' welfare

Cooperative; real "team players''

Generous with own time and energy

Ready to volunteer

Accept delegation easily

"Company men''; very loyal

Ready to take on any new challenge that comes along

Work hard at pleasing others

Talented, skillful, and creative

A pleasure to spend time with

Happy, joyful, full of fun

Encouraging and reassuring

Go along with requests made by others

People mixers

Assets in any conversation

"Together,'' warm, and caring persons

People sought out for friendship; popular socially


Feelings inside persons with the people-pleasing personality traits

Fear of loss of approval

Fear of rejection

Fear of loss of personal identity

Fear of loss of personal worth

Denial of problems

Self-denial or ignoring of personal rights

Feeling lonely and isolated from others

Avoid conflicts or fights at any cost

Feeling not "good'' enough

Feeling undeserving

Feeling inferior to others

Concern about satisfying others' demands

Insecurity about personal abilities, skills, or knowledge

Compulsive need to please others

Unhappy over not pleasing others

Embarrassed by personal looks or behavior that displeases others

Confusion about why it takes so much energy to please others

Fear of not "doing best'' for others' sake

Fear of letting their friends and family down

Fear of failure

Fear of it being "found out'' they are not as good as they appear to others

Fear that others will recognize their failings

Desire to run away to avoid the stress of "always'' needing to be "good''

Exhaustion from always trying to be "perfect''

Disappointment in not being able to make everyone happy

Critical of how well they are doing in their personal lives

Feel unappreciated or taken advantage of

Feel taken for granted

Feel like they are being treated like victims

Feel like the martyr for others

Fear of making a decision lest it be the wrong one

Come unglued easily under pressure; unorganized


Negative consequences of people-pleasing behaviors

Low self-esteem

Loss of personal identity

Loss of personal rights

Being taken advantage of

Loss of personal time

Ineffectiveness in managing work

Inability to direct or supervise others

Inability to achieve personal goals

Inability to take a leadership role

Poor problem solving abilities

Burnout on the job or at home

Chronic state of being unappreciated

Immobilized by irrational beliefs

Guilt over not accomplishing enough or not being pleasing enough for others

Inability to maintain healthy interpersonal relationships

Loss of appreciation for self attributes

Inability to accept kindnesses from others

Chronic state of self-deprecation

Chronic state of being hard on self

Lack of trust in others' sincerity

Chronic state of insecurity in interacting with others

Inability to make a decision

Do not know how to relax


Irrational beliefs of people with the people-pleasing personality traits

I must be liked by everyone.

I must do nothing to upset others.

I must work harder to make things better for others.

They would never like me if they knew the truth about me.

I must be careful in my decision making so as not to upset anyone.

I can never do enough to please them.

I am responsible for other peoples' happiness.

How they respond to me is important.

The harder I work for them, the more they will appreciate me.

If they don't like me, I'm no good!

Always put others first! Put yourself last.

There is no task I won't do for you, large or small.

People can only like you if you appear nice, pleasant, friendly, and cheerful
to them.

Your only role in life is giving to or helping others.

If you are not successful, you are a loser and losers are ignored, unloved,
and unwanted.

It's not who you are but what you do that counts.

You must always be understanding and have an open mind with people who are
hurting you or putting you down.

If someone doesn't accept me, it must be that I'm not "good enough'' to be
accepted.

No matter what I do, it never seems to be "good enough.''

I can do nothing right. I am worthless, useless, but I can't let others see
this about me or they will reject me.


Turning negative people-pleasing traits into positive potential

Self-sacrificing

This behavior can be converted to rational altruism, in which they are able
to be self protective and self rewarding in their "giving'' behavior toward
others.

Self-deprecating

This behavior can be converted into realistic self appraisal by their being
led to recognize and accept personal strengths, abilities, and attributes. They
can be taught that "false humility'' is unhealthy and that it is OK to
"toot'' one's horn when appropriate.

Poor decision making ability

This poor decision making can be converted to productive problem solving and
effective decision making by allowing themselves the right to hold to their
own opinions and to be creative without the fear of what others would say and
without fear of retribution. Freeing up their mental energy will result in
increased productivity, creativity, and healthy decision making.

Loss of personal identity

By being able to accept themselves for who they are without fear of
recriminations or disapproval, they can become firm in their beliefs as to who
they are
and what they are capable of doing and becoming.

Martyrdom

Rather than placing themselves in situations in which their rights are
ignored and where they are taken advantage of, they can learn to be assertive
and
begin to protect their rights, ceasing to be victimized by others.

Need for approval

By increasing their habits of self-affirmations and positive self-approval,
they can alter both their need for approval and their fear of rejection by
being their own best friend, cheerleader, reinforcer, and approver. They have to
accept and approve of themselves before others will.

Dependent on others for positive reinforcement

Because they have low self-esteem they reinforcement become so dependent on
others for attention, affection, and approval that they become "addicted'' to
positive affirmation from others. This can be converted by becoming self
caring, self affirming, self accepting, and by becoming emotionally independent
from
others.

Fear of failure

By recognizing that one's worth is not solely dependent on "doing well,''
"achieving things'' or by doing things to please others, they can let go of the
fear of letting people down by failing to achieve self-imposed goals or goals
others have set for them. Learning to turn failures into growth enhancing
experiences is another way they can let go of this fear.

Unswerving loyalty

Those who find security in being loyal to institutions rather than to
themselves can reverse this behavior by recognizing the value of self directed
attention and concern for personal health and well being. Being loyal to self
results in a holistic sense of wellness of body, mind, and spirit.

Hard on self

This results in self punishing and self restrictive behavior. By letting go
of the need to be "good enough'' for everyone else and by letting go of
perfectionism in personal efforts, they can lighten up on themselves and learn
to
enjoy life, to relax, have fun and play, nurturing the inner child in
themselves.





Girl, Interrupted...

<A HREF="http://profiles.yahoo.com/arizona_terri">AZFae</A>
http://profiles.yahoo.com/arizona_terri


<A HREF="http://hometown.aol.com/azterri/">EVA Homesite</A>
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<A HREF="http://groups.yahoo.com/group/End_Verbal_Abuse/">Yahoo! Groups :
End_Verbal_Abuse Volunteer Group Leader</A>
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<A HREF="http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Codependents/">Yahoo! Groups :
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