Michael,

I'm touched by your wonderful and deep introspective call for help.

It's out here. Keep reaching for it.

Inside of you is a beautiful and warm soul who is looking for a
place to be understood- A place where you will feel at home and be
accepted.

I too have lived a life of broken relationships. I am currently
going through a divorce to a person to whom I felt was the love of
my life. I too am very Robin Williams like, and full of zest, and
yet my emotional impulsiviety often hurts the very people who I love.

I have felt judged and criticized all my life, and so I've tried to
shackle the wild, unexplainable sourse of my behavior- in an attempt
to be more acceptable, and in hopes of presenting a more likable
person who will be loved, approved of, and understood. In doing so,
I have hidden the real me, and shackled myself in a closet of shame
and blame. All that was left was an agry shadow of who I really am.

What I'm trying to say to you, is that in many ways, I have been
there and done that. And by never releasing the real me, I feel like
I am very similar to you, just 20 years older with two ADHD kids and
a house and other assets that attorneys will probably be the
bennificaries of. I am also in many ways the broken hearted Mrs.
Doubtfire.- willing to do anything for my kids- but having a hard
time sticking to anything.

But there is hope my friend.

In this hard an painful process, I have strarted to see this warm
beautiful person who I shackled so many years ago. I am working on
finding the keys to unshackle him fromthe closet of shame and blame
he is in.

Two of these keys are personal acceptance and personal forgiveness.

I have come to accept the fact that I have ADHD. Yes it sucks at
times, but these are the cards I have been dealt, and I can't ask
for a new hand.

I also have learned to forgive myself for all the ADHD screwups I
have made in my life... An believe me- there are a ton of them.

I have reached the point where I am tired of trying to be the person
that everyone else has wanted me to be, and just letting me be me...
ADHD and all.

Yes I have ADHD- but that is not my issue/problem. My issue/problem
is my attitude in how I address ADHD.

Help for how to live with your ADHD is out here- but it's your
choice if you decide to seek it out.

My suggestion- Go to Laurie Walsh's FREE ADDult Support group
meeting this month- It's on addictions and ADHD. Your addiction
may be nothing more than an attempt at self medication.

Take it one day at a time. Don't expect too much too fast as is our
typical impaitent way- Once you start your journey on taking your
ADHD on head first- expect it to take about one month for every year
old you are. (i.e. at 24 yrs/old it may take you 24 months or 2
years to address it.) I feel the longer you take in addressing it
head on- the more baggage you have to unpack.

You can do it if you want. There is nothing in this world like the
determiniation of a focused ADDer.

This post is nothing but the expressions of my feelings and
perspectives and offered only because you asked for input. You need
to decide what is right for you.

I wish you luck- I really do.

Hakuna Matata

Bentley