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Britt
God bless you for writing back. I am so sorry to hear about your cancer at such a young age. I just turned 40 and have a child that is 17. I knew I did not want any more after her so that part is not an issue for me.
I go tomorrow for a CT scan, making sure it did not move any place else. From there we make the decision on how to proceed. The bright spot that I am holding onto is that the MRI did not show lymph node involvement, hoping the CT scan confirms that.
I really needed to talk to people that have been through this, I will admit to being just a touch afraid for a moment but I've made the conscious decision not to give in, not to fear it and not to get down. That's the beauty of life, we all have choices and can choose how we feel and how our lives turn out.
I am a healer and a sensitive. Sounds pretty funny huh? It seems I have the ability to heal others but have yet to learn to do it for myself. Perhaps that is part of the lesson and journey for me.
I know you did not ask for this and I am not sure what your faith is based on, so please take what I tell you next with the knowledge that my intention is pure and I only wish to help you as you reached out to help me.
I can feel your spirit and it is bright and loving. You have the ability to love and give with a passion. The sadness you feel is not due to what you don't have, it's due to what you think you don't have. Your inability to have a child does not mean you can't have one. Each child that comes to this earth chooses it's parents. A parent/child relationship is not a bond of blood as most people think, it is a bond of spirit. You can have that same bond, that same joy and the same, if not stronger, love, for a child that did not come from you physically but was meant for you spiritually.
I feel as if you carry some blame for the cancer, as if something you may have said or done in the past brought it on. You wonder why me?
Sweetie, letting go of blame and regret is the way to move forward. There is always something great waiting for you around the next corner, you just need to be open to it, accept it and prosper from it. This may very well have been a gift from God, your child may not be one that comes from you but still, the one that was meant for you. You just need to be open receiving this gift when it comes.
I was adopted. My birth mother gave me up for reasons I do not know but for ones I understand. I was meant for my parents as they were meant for me. Our bond was stronger than any blood bond I have ever witnessed, I was wanted. My Mom could not have children because of her age, my Dad was not aware of that fact. He thought it was a medical problem. When they adopted me, it was my Dad's pushing, not hers, she wanted a child of her own and could not imagine having one from someone else. It was foreign to her and she was against it.
Britt, I can tell you the parent/child bond is not one of blood but of love. If you truly want children you will have them, it may not be the way you pictured it but it will bring joy and love to your life beyond that which you can imagine.
I feel nothing but brightness around you. The spears of doubt you feel are just remnants of old baggage, let it go. You were meant to live a joyous life and I truly feel you will. You understand love, that's the key.
Love & Light to you Britt, to your family as well. I hope we keep in touch, I'll let you know how things progress.
Maura
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