=== Center of Attention ===
Newsletter of CHADD of Northern California
Also at: http://www.chaddnorcal.org/newsletter
19 January 2004

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>> IN THIS ISSUE <<
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*Calendar of Events
*Announcements: New Groups!
*Feature Article: That Pig Can Fly If He Really Wants ToŠ
*Please Tell Us
*Subscription Information
*CHADD Information

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>> CALENDAR OF EVENTS <<
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Contra Costa - 1/20/2004, Tues. 7 - 9 pm
Danville Adult Meeting: ADHD Overview -- Topic followed by Group Discussion
Los Cerros Middle School Library, Danville - Contact: Dana: 925-886-8735
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Marin - 1/20/2004, Tues. 7-9pm
Adult Support Group, with SueZee Poinsett, Professional coach and
organizer. -- Free, drop-in peer-support group. Talk with others who
really understand. And share and develop life skills.
Marin Community Mental Health, Greenbrae - Contact: Beverlee: 415-789-9464
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Contra Costa - 1/21/2004, Wed. 7-9 pm
Walnut Creek Adult General Support Meeting -- Ongoing, confidential
support groups for Adults with ADHD
Kaiser Mental Health, Walnut Creek - Contact: Donna Love: 925-687-4324
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Santa Clara - 1/21/2004, Wed. Reg: 7pm, Meet 7:30pm
Silicon Valley Adult, Parent and Spouse Support Groups -- Separate
peer-facilitated groups let you share struggles and strategies with
each other. Includes video.
Friends Meeting House, Palo Alto - Contact: Silicon Valley Warmline:
650-949-5472
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Online - 1/22/2004, Thu. 11:00 am - 12:30 PM PST
Join CHADD and the Washington Post for an Online Chat with San
Francisco Giants Relief Pitcher Scott Eyre: Living and Succeeding
with AD/HD - The Importance of Resilience -- Don't miss this rare
opportunity to participate in an online chat with San Francisco
Giants relief pitcher Scott Eyre, an adult with AD/HD, and David
Goodman, M.D. of Johns Hopkins University. Eyre and Dr. Goodman will
answer your questions about living and succeeding with AD/HD on the
mound and at home.
CHADD Online Chat, Internet - Contact: : To submit questions,
comments or suggestions before the chat, please visit:
www.teachersays.com/
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Marin - 1/26/2004, Mon. 12:30am-2:30pm
Parent Resource & Support Group -- Call First...
30 Catalpa Ave., Mill Valley - Contact: Victoria Vogel & Holly
Seerley: 415-383-6048
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San Francisco - 1/26/2004, Mon. 7:00 - 9pm
Adult Success Group -- Share skills and strategies for success at
home, in the workplace, in relationships, etc. (It's a good idea to
call to confirm dates, get ideas on parking. etc.)
First Unitarian Universalist Church, San Francisco - Contact: Rachel
Rosenfeld: 415-362-7227
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Contra Costa - 1/27/2004, Tues. 7 - 9 pm
Danville Parent Meeting: What is ADHD? -- Topic followed by Group Discussion
Los Cerros Middle School Library, Danville - Contact: Dana: 925-886-8735
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Santa Clara - 2/4/2004, Wed. Reg: 7pm, Meet 7:30pm
Mark Steinberg, PhD - Neurofeedback and ADHD --
Friends Meeting House, Palo Alto - Contact: Silicon Valley Warmline:
650-949-5472
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Santa Clara - 2/5/2004, Thu. 7:15 p.m. - 9:30 p.m.
Kitty Petty ADD/LD Institute - Discussion, Sharing Successful
Strategies with other ADDults. --
Friends Meeting House, Palo Alto - Contact: Kitty Petty ADD/LD
Institute: 650-329-9443 or visit www.kpinst.org/
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San Francisco - 2/7/2004, Sat. 9 am - 3 pm
BREAKING THE CODE - Demystifying the Evaluation Process for Students
with Learning Difficulties -- UC Berkeley and Parents Education
Network (PEN) present this daylong workshop, for parents, educators,
pediatricians and other professionals, focusing on understanding a
diagnostic evaluation. You will also develop key questions to ask
service providers, and gain knowledge about strategies for promoting
your child's school and life success. Fee: $20.00 Pre-registered,
lunch $10 with prereg. CEU Credit.
St. Ignatius High School, San Francisco - Contact: Parent Education
Network (PEN): Contact UCB at (510) 642-4111 or register online
www.unex.berkeley.edu/cat/203893.html
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Marin - 2/10/2004, Tues. 7-9pm
Procrastination - Deborah Lancaster, ADDult -- Come learn practical,
useful solutions and techniques to overcome our natural tendencies to
procrastinate and disorganize. Deborah was invited to host the first
ADD support group on America online.
Town Center Corte Madera Community Room, Corte Madera - Contact:
Beverlee: 415-789-9464
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Santa Clara - 2/10/2004, Tues. 7:15 - 9 pm
Support Group for Partners! -- Support and community-resource
information for the partners of folks with ADHD. PLEASE NOTE: This is
NOT a support group for people with AD/HD, nor for couples, nor for
parents. It is EXCLUSIVELY for PARTNERS of people with ADHD, and
others will have to be turned away.
Friends Meeting House, Palo Alto - Contact: Gina Pera: 888-759-9758
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Alameda - 2/11/2004, Wed. 7 - 9 pm
Tri-Valley Parent Support Meeting --
Thomas J. Hart Middle School, Pleasanton - Contact: JoAnn Matone: 925-484-2173
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Contra Costa - 2/11/2004, Wed. 7-9 pm
Antioch Parent's Support Group - Topic TBA -- For parents and
caregivers of children with AD/HD offering the opportunity to share
stresses, strategies and successes.
Sutter Delta Medical Center, Antioch - Contact: Colleen Ruddock: 925-757-2372
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Contra Costa - 2/17/2004, Tues. 7 - 9 pm
Danville Adult Meeting: Fears and Prejudice -- Topic followed by
Group Discussion
Los Cerros Middle School Library, Danville - Contact: Dana: 925-886-8735
============================
Marin - 2/17/2004, Tues. 7-9pm
Adult Support Group, with SueZee Poinsett, Professional coach and
organizer. -- Free, drop-in peer-support group. Talk with others who
really understand. And share and develop life skills.
Marin Community Mental Health, Greenbrae - Contact: Beverlee: 415-789-9464
============================
Santa Clara - 2/18/2004, Wed. Reg: 7pm, Meet 7:30pm
Silicon Valley Adult, Parent and Spouse Support Groups -- Separate
peer-facilitated groups let you share struggles and strategies with
each other. Includes video.
Friends Meeting House, Palo Alto - Contact: Silicon Valley Warmline:
650-949-5472
============================
Napa - 2/19/2004, Thu. 7 - 9 pm
Adult, parent and spouse support group -- Focusing on education, ADHD
strengths, and strategies to manage the challenges of ADHD.
St. John's Lutheran Church, Napa - Contact: Karen Shepard:
707-257-8113, or ksnapa@...
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>> ANNOUNCEMENTS <<
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Note the New Groups we have since this Fall:

Napa Adults and Parents
Antioch Parents
Danville Adults
Danville Parents
Palo Alto Partners, for those in relationships with people with ADHD
New Location for San Francisco Adults

Coming Very Soon:

Pleasanton Adults
Modesto Parents and Adults

And look for Giants relief pitcher Scott Eyre online, 1/22/04

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>> FEATURE ARTICLE <<
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That Pig Can Fly If He Really Wants ToŠ

(The following article has been published with kind permission from
Lew Mills, MFT, PhD, a Bay Area psychotherapist working with
Attention Deficit in Adults.)

It's probably common sense that you can't teach pigs to fly by giving
them pig-treats every time they jump up. Though it is true that you
can inspire a lot of truly amazing behavior simply by rewarding it
when it happens, it is also obvious that you can't train a behavior
for which the basic ability is not there. Motivational strategies,
like rewards and punishments, presume that the pig can fly, if he
wants to.

Despite the obvious folly of pig piloting, we make this same mistake
with our children. We often misjudge what a child is capable of, and
then attempt to train the behavior by fine-tuning our reward
strategy. Because children are limited in their ability to redirect
us from this mistake, we end up in miserable unproductive battles to
make a child "understand the rules."

This is the central message of Ross Greene's book, "The Explosive
Child." Though not explicitly limited to the diagnosis of ADHD, he
describes children who are easily frustrated and unable to be
flexible. Their tantrums and outbursts seem to call for discipline.
Yet discipline rarely has any positive impact on the problem.

Like our pedestrian pigs, these children are unable to "learn a
lesson" from our punishments. In fact, the cycle of outbursts and
punishments tends to increase frustration and lead to more of the
behaviors we want to control. Despite the failure of our approach, we
persist that we can't just let them "get away with it."

Animal husbandry has figured out that pigs don't fly, and they never
will. But there is something about the explosive child that fools us
into thinking that tomorrow will be different. Finally they are going
to get it.

What's more, we need to believe this, given the performance demands
placed on our children. Even ordinary children are expected to
perform aerial acrobatics. We cannot concede the battle on
controlling explosive behavior. We seem to have no choice.

What makes it so hard to see our error? In the case of our fantastic
flying pig, we can see that those hundreds of pounds of pork will
need a mighty force to get airborne. But when we look at our child,
they look so much like other children, and even like adults, that we
cannot fathom that they just might not be able to do what we are
asking them. Furthermore, the hallmark of ADHD-inconsistency-means
that they often do seem to be able to do the things we are asking.

Furthermore, the very deficit we cannot see is there inability to put
their learning into practice. Despite knowing that having a tantrum
will lead to amounts of trouble that are sorely not worth it, they
are unable to act as if they understand the consequences. We doubt
that the child is motivated enough to control themselves, rather than
notice that they are unable to achieve what they are already so
motivated to do.

So rather than work on helping them implement how to behave the way
they and we want them to, we try to highlight the consequences more.
Believing that it is a deficit in knowing what to do, we increase the
"motivation" for something they cannot do.

What does Ross Greene suggest? Contrary to our intuition, we have to
resist trying to further motivate good behavior. Instead we need to
give the child tools to behave better. With some behavior, we will
not be able to get them to do it now, and we have to let it go. For
other behavior, the consequences of non-compliance are so dire that
we have to be willing to sustain the tantrum and control the child.

In the middle, are behaviors that may be controllable, if we help the
child control themselves. Here we will focus on just a few teachable
moments for the child. If the pressure from the huge struggles we
knew before has been reduced, we can expect some success with this.

The other lesson we teach is subtler and probably more important in
the long run. We teach that we are able to have some compassion. We
show that we are willing to take the effort to really understand the
child, instead of fighting to have our way. And we show that we
ourselves are not so blinded as to be inflexible ourselves. When we
stop being pig-headed, we can indeed find the child who is eager to
grow.

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>> PLEASE TELL US <<
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We thank members for their responses to the Newsletter. Any comments,
suggestions, or criticisms will be greatly appreciated. Please
continue to help us make this newsletter and CHADD of Northern
California more beneficial to you all.

We also invite readers to share their experiences with us and other
members. Please feel free to write to us about anything that you
would like to see published.

You can e-mail your comments to us at Lew@.... Simply
replying to this e-mail will also send your message to the editor.

Lew Mills, Editor

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>> CHADD INFORMATION <<
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* See the up-to-date schedule
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About the Newsletter:

The Center of Attention is CHADD of Northern California's bi-weekly
newsletter. The newsletter is designed to keep you up to date with
CHADD of Northern California's activities and updates in the field.

* CHADD Works to Improve the Lives of People with
Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder through Education, Advocacy,
and Support *

Contact:

--

Lew Mills, PhD, MFT
Editor, "Center of Attention"
CHADD of Northern California, Chapter # 504
mailto:Lew@...
http://www.chaddnorcal.org/newsletter
Fax or Voice Message: 510-291-2950
Toll Free 888-759-9758