Center of Attention
Newsletter of CHADD of Northern California
Also at: http://www.chaddnorcal.org/newsletter
3 February 2003

CHADD Works to Improve the Lives of People with
Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder through Education, Advocacy,
and Support

===== In This Issue =====

About the Newsletter
Calendar of Events
Feature Article: The Gifts of ADHD
This Week - Announcements
Please Tell Us

===== About the Newsletter =====

The Center of Attention is CHADD of Northern California's bi-weekly
newsletter. The newsletter is designed to keep you up to date with
CHADD of Northern California's activities and updates in the field.
It's a step toward bringing the members closer together.

======== Calendar of Events ==========

Contra Costa - 2/5/2003, Wed. 7-9 pm
Walnut Creek Adult Topical Meeting: TBA --
Kaiser Mental Health, Walnut Creek - Contact: Donna Love: 925-687-4324
============================
San Francisco - 2/5/2003, Wed. 7:30pm
Women's ADD Support Group -- Please Call Lynn to confirm times and
locations before attending.
CPMC Davies Campus, San Francisco - Contact: Lynn: 415-621-1078
============================
Santa Clara - 2/5/2003, Wed. Reg: 7pm, Meet 7:30pm
Central Auditory Processing Disorder versus AD/HD. -- Judith Paton,
pediatric and adult audiologist, will speak.
Friends Meeting House, Palo Alto - Contact: Silicon Valley Warmline:
650-949-5472
============================
Marin - 2/11/2003, Tues. 7-9pm
Ask the Doctor - Dr. Michael Freeman, MD, psychiatrist. -- Ask
questions about current treatments. Hear about the virtues of ADHD
and Bipolar Disorder. Dr. Freeman is a psychiatrist in Kentfield who
specializes in mood and anxiety disorders.
Town Center Corte Madera Community Room, Corte Madera - Contact:
Beverlee: 415-789-9464
============================
Alameda - 2/12/2003, Wed. 7 - 9 pm
Tri-Valley Parent Support Meeting --
Thomas J. Hart Middle School, Pleasanton - Contact: JoAnn Matone: 925-484-2173
============================
San Francisco - 2/17/2003, Mon. 7:00 - 9pm
Adult Success Group -- Share skills and strategies for success at
home, in the workplace, in relationships, etc.
CPMC Pacific Campus, San Francisco - Contact: Rachel Rosenfeld: 415-362-7227
============================
Marin - 2/18/2003, Tues. 7-9pm
Drop in Support Group -- for Adults with ADHD and Significant Others
Marin Community Mental Health, Greenbrae - Contact: Beverlee: 415-789-9464
============================
Contra Costa - 2/19/2003, Wed. 7-9 pm
Walnut Creek Adult General Support Meeting -- Ongoing, confidential
support groups for Adults with ADHD
Kaiser Mental Health, Walnut Creek - Contact: Donna Love: 925-687-4324
============================
Santa Clara - 2/19/2003, Wed. Reg: 7pm, Meet 7:30pm
Silicon Valley Adult, Parent and Spouse Support Groups -- Separate
peer-facilitated groups let you share struggles and strategies with
each other. Includes video.
Friends Meeting House, Palo Alto - Contact: Silicon Valley Warmline:
650-949-5472
============================
San Francisco - 2/20/2003, Thu. 6:00 pm - 9:00 pm
How Will California's Budget Crisis Impact Your Child with Special
Needs -- Learn more about proposed cuts and what you can do about
them. From "Open Gate Family Resource Center." RSVP required, one
week in advance.
John O'Connell High School, San Francisco - Contact: See Website:
415.469.4518 for more information or visit www.supportforfamilies.org
============================
Marin - 2/24/2003, Mon. 9:30-11:30am
Parent Resource Group -- Call First...
30 Catalpa Ave., Mill Valley - Contact: Victoria Vogel & Holly
Seerly: 415-383-6048
============================
Santa Clara - 2/26/2003, Wed. 7:15 p.m. - 9:30 p.m.
Kitty Petty ADD/LD Institute Meeting -- Discussion of and sharing
successful ADHD/LD strategies and coping skills with other like
ADDults
Friends Meeting House, Palo Alto - Contact: Kitty Petty ADD/LD
Institute: 650-329-9443 or visit www.kpinst.org/
============================
San Francisco - 3/1/2003, Sat. 9:00a.m.-12:30p.m
Eileen Marzola - Becoming a Strategic Reader: Linking Assessment to
Reading Comprehension Instruction -- Sponsored by the International
Dyslexia Association. Details forthcoming
UCSF Conference Center, Laurel Heights, San Francisco - Contact:
International Dyslexia Association: 650-328-7667 or visit
www.dyslexia-ncbida.org
============================
Contra Costa - 3/5/2003, Wed. 7-9 pm
Walnut Creek Adult Topical Meeting: TBA --
Kaiser Mental Health, Walnut Creek - Contact: Donna Love: 925-687-4324
============================
Santa Clara - 3/5/2003, Wed. Reg: 7pm, Meet 7:30pm
ADD 101 -- Dr. Stubblefield of the Amen Clinic will speak.
Friends Meeting House, Palo Alto - Contact: Silicon Valley Warmline:
650-949-5472
============================

===== Feature Article ======

The Gifts of ADHD

(The following article has been published with kind permission from
Lew Mills, PhD, MFT, a Bay Area psychotherapist working with
Attention Deficit in Adults.)

Lew Mills, PhD, MFT

Perhaps the easiest way to get a debate started amongst a group of
people with ADHD is to ask whether ADHD is a "disorder" or a
"difference." Is it a curse or a gift? It's everyone's favorite
topic, and everyone has an opinion. Actually, I have two opinions.
Like many big questions, the answer lies somewhere not just in the
middle but at both ends.

On the positive side, if treated, ADHD doesn't usually have to ruin
your life. What's more, there are lots of skills, abilities and
characteristics that routinely come with ADHD, and which most people
find appealing. This is why in debates about treating children, we
always hear warnings about "taking the spark" out of some "Huck Finn"
type of child. Never mind that Huck is a fictional character, and
that if you had to raise him as your own, you would be a rather
frustrated parent. Still Huck has a charming perspective on the
world, a winning way with people and an infectious enthusiasm for
life. These qualities often do translate over into the real life
people with ADHD.

But at the same time, ADHD is defined by symptoms. In the book of
diagnoses, a person doesn't even qualify as having ADHD without
"significant impairment." If it doesn't get in your way, it's not
ADHD. This is literally "by definition." There also doesn't seem to
be a "fully treated" ADHD yet. Treatments are clearly not
"normalizing." We can just reduce symptoms. Usually a person comes on
the diagnosis because things have been going significantly wrong. The
person who is being diagnosed is not naive about what they are up
against. Hopeful "gift" sermons might meet with skepticism.

I suspect that virtually always, the person with ADHD has experienced
significant shame in their life, about things that they were not able
to do, and which came easily to others. One part of the difficulty is
that the disorder is largely "hidden." ADHD adults say things like,
"If I were in a wheelchair, people would understand how hard I have
to try, but nobody gets it with ADHD." Furthermore, the debilitating
aspects of ADHD are hidden from the person that has it also. As
children, we cannot figure out on our own that we are disabled by
ADHD. Instead, We erroneously attribute our own behavior to "bad
character", lack of motivation, or worse.

Because of this, a central experience of ADHD is humiliation and
shame. That sounds harsh, but it is crueler to ignore that, to date,
this experience is nearly inevitable. The depth to which our culture
condemns the incapacities ADHD brings remains largely unfathomed.

So why do I insist that ADHD is still "a gift" as well. It could be
sentimental compensation for enduring what is clearly a big problem.
But I have two other much better reasons.

It does bring gifts. I have frequently heard ADHD people say that
they know they see something in the world that nearly everyone else
is missing. I don't think this is just a cheap self-aggrandizement,
to make up for their pain. I think it is often true. There are two
more bits of good news here. I don't think that treating the ADHD
makes these go away. And second, these really are the gifts that we
find idealized in children like Huck Finn, or maybe like Harry
Potter. They are hard to explain to the "muggles" who don't live in
this wizard's world, but they are intuited and revered there, even as
the wizards of ADHD suffer them like a secret scar.

My second reason for seeing ADHD as a gift may be a harder sell. I
once quipped, "ADHD is God's way of teaching you humility." I think I
came up with this after having to apologize for and explain something
that I did which was indeed, inexplicable. I slowly realized that
there is some benefit in knowing that you can't control all the
aspects of your life. This is despite the fact that you would like to
and that society demands it of you. You have limits. You make
mistakes.

In world on the edge of war, where the concept of hubris is
considered quaint, a touch of humility may be a great gift indeed.
But the trick, of course, is how to transform experiences of
humiliation into the wisdom of humility. Often enough, they instead
lead to greater defensiveness, arrogance and the hubris we would like
to avoid. I think that the secret is to learn to accept our
limitations, even at the moments when everyone else continues to
condemn them. With acceptance of our limitations comes a new hope for
our realistically appraised capacities.

Nothing takes a person further from him or herself than trying to
perfect the challenged parts of themselves that they don't
understand. And nothing brings a person home as much as discovering
their true strengths. ADHD has the wickedly strange ability to force
the understanding of our challenges. With luck, we then turn to
studying our strengths.

As we find our limitations, I think we are also more inclined to find
the interdependencies we have with other people. ADHD will enforce
asking for help. My personal goal is to say "thank you" at least as
many times to those who help me out as I am obligated to say "I'm
sorry" to those whom I disappoint. Once a person has to acknowledge
that they cannot master everything by themselves, the door is open to
seeing how universally we need to consider each other's strengths and
challenges. In that, I believe, is a truer dignity than we might have
gained otherwise.

Gift or curse? Sometimes a gift feels like a curse. Sometimes a curse
is a gift in hiding.

======== This Week ==========

The Silicon Valley warmline phone was out for a while, but it's back:
650-949-ß5472.

===== Please Tell Us! =====

We thank members for their responses to the Newsletter. Any comments,
suggestions, or criticisms will be greatly appreciated. Please
continue to help us make this newsletter more beneficial to you all.

We also invite readers to share their experiences with us and other
members. Please feel free to write to us about anything that you
would like to see published.

You can e-mail your comments to us at CHADD_Dimples@....
Simply replying to this e-mail will also send your message to the
right place.