Center of Attention
Newsletter of CHADD of Northern California
Also at: http://www.chaddnorcal.org/newsletter
25 November 2002

CHADD Works to Improve the Lives of People with
Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder through Education, Advocacy,
and Support

===== In This Issue =====

About the Newsletter
Calendar of Events
Feature Article: The Full Stop - Unemployment for the Adult with ADHD
Please Tell Us

===== About the Newsletter =====

The Center of Attention is CHADD of Northern California's bi-weekly
newsletter. The newsletter is designed to keep you up to date with
CHADD of Northern California's activities and updates in the field.
It's a step toward bringing the members closer together.

======== Calendar of Events ==========

Online - 11/25/2002, Mon. 6-8:00 PM PST
Dr. Robert "Bob" Brooks - Fostering Resilience and Hope in Children
with ADD/ADHD --
CHADD Online Chat, Internet - Contact: Message Line: 510-291-2950
============================
Marin - 11/27/2002, Wed. 9:30-11:30am
Parent Informational Resource and Support Group -- Call First...
30 Catalpa Ave., Mill Valley - Contact: Victoria Vogel & Holly
Seerly: 415-383-6048
============================
Sonoma - 12/4/2002, Wed. 7 - 9 pm
Sharing and Support. -- Bring your concerns, questions and
experiences. Everyone is welcome, including parents, spouses,
teenagers and significant others -- diagnosed and undiagnosed.
Kaiser Hospital Building, Santa Rosa - Contact: Sonoma Warmline: More
information and directions: 707-765-4863
============================
Contra Costa - 12/4/2002, Wed. 7-9 pm
Walnut Creek Adult Topical Meeting: Taming the Tiger of Impulsivity --
Kaiser Mental Health, Walnut Creek - Contact: Donna Love: 925-687-4324
============================
San Francisco - 12/4/2002, Wed. 7:30pm
Women's ADD Support Group -- Please Call Lynn to confirm times and
locations before attending.
CPMC Davies Campus, San Francisco - Contact: Lynn: 415-621-1078
============================
Marin - 12/10/2002, Tues. 7-9pm
Setting Limits: Learn skills to save your sanity. -- Speaker:
Michael Vurek, LCSW.
Also, our Annual Holiday Party- Come and enjoy treats and good cheer.
Town Center Corte Madera Community Room, Corte Madera - Contact:
Beverlee: 415-789-9464
============================
Alameda - 12/11/2002, Wed. 7 - 9 pm
Tri-Valley Parent Support Meeting --
Thomas J. Hart Middle School, Pleasanton - Contact: JoAnn Matone: 925-484-2173
============================
San Francisco - 12/16/2002, Mon. 7:00 - 9pm
Adult Success Group -- Share skills and strategies for success at
home, in the workplace, in relationships, etc.
CPMC Pacific Campus, San Francisco - Contact: Rachel Rosenfeld: 415-362-7227
============================
Marin - 12/17/2002, Tues. 7-9pm
Drop in Support Group -- for Adults with ADHD and Significant Others
Marin Community Mental Health, Greenbrae - Contact: Beverlee: 415-789-9464
============================
Contra Costa - 12/18/2002, Wed. 7-9 pm
Walnut Creek Adult General Support Meeting -- Ongoing, confidential
support groups for Adults with ADHD
Kaiser Mental Health, Walnut Creek - Contact: Donna Love: 925-687-4324
============================
Online - 12/19/2002, Thu. 6-8:00 PM PST
John and Nancy Ratey - Managing Life & Marriage with AD/HD --
CHADD Online Chat, Internet - Contact: Message Line: 510-291-2950
============================
Sacramento - 1/7/2003, Tues. 6:45 p.m.; 7-9 pm
Dealing with AD/HD at Home, Work, and at School -- Angela Paccini,
MFT, private practice in Roseville
Sutter Center for Psychiatry, Sacramento - Contact: Greater
Sacramento CHADD: 916-552-1557
============================
Alameda - 1/8/2003, Wed. 7 - 9 pm
Tri-Valley Parent Support Meeting --
Thomas J. Hart Middle School, Pleasanton - Contact: JoAnn Matone: 925-484-2173
============================
Santa Clara - 1/8/2003, Wed. Reg: 7pm, Meet 7:30pm
Presentation: Dr. Harry Verby of the Behavioral Medical Clinic in San
Mateo will speak. -- TBA
Friends Meeting House, Palo Alto - Contact: Silicon Valley Warmline:
650-949-5472
============================

===== Feature Article ======

The Full Stop - Unemployment for the Adult with ADHD

By Lew Mills, PhD, MFT (http://www.millsconsulting.com)

More often than one might imagine, adults with ADHD find themselves
without a job and without a plan. Losing a job can have many causes,
but being without a plan is easy to associate with ADHD. ADHD is
characterized by having difficulty visualizing the future as well as
in knowing how to put the pieces together to get there.

Ordinarily unemployment is a good time for some counseling or career
coaching, to focus on the next steps. But I want to describe a
specific circumstance, which I call the "full stop." Beyond having
difficulty thinking of what to do next, at a full stop a person feels
they are losing all forward momentum. It will feel as if they can
never find a job that will use their unique abilities or engage their
unique passions. The full stop is recognizable by the inability to
move forward.

Paradoxically, an ADHD person may also feel like they have a torrent
of thoughts about where to turn next. But each one leads to a few
weeks of planning, submitting applications to schools, sending out a
few tentative resumes and then a realization that something else is
more interesting or workable or more promising. After a bit of time
at the full stop, it is nearly impossible to start forward again.
Paralysis sets in and depression follows.

For a non-ADHD person, with a raft of experiences of success in their
work life, it might make sense to take this opportunity for some
serious re-evaluation of one's life priorities. Life-coaching, or
in-depth career planning might make sense. However, for an ADHD
adult, on the brink of depression and perhaps financial ruin, this
broader perspective is difficult to achieve and anxiety will soon
swamp any view of the big picture. With ADHD, some specific
strategies for the full stop are indicated.

Here is an analogy. When you ride a bike, the faster you are going,
the easier it is to turn smoothly and remain stable. As you approach
a stop sign, you find yourself switching the handlebars back and
forth to keep the front wheel underneath you. If you come to a full
stop, it is nearly impossible to balance on the bike. In order to
navigate the bike now, you need to get some forward motion. It
actually doesn't matter in which direction. Once you are moving, you
can then steer the bike again.

By analogy, you cannot pick a career direction when you have lost all
forward momentum. If you try, you will most likely "tip over."
Pondering the limitless possibilities can quickly overwhelm you.
Before you can pick a direction, you need to have some forward motion!

To translate the metaphor, you need to have a context of success in
the present in order to choose your future. If you get any kind of
experience of success with work, it will give you some momentum. From
there you can build on your confidence and make some turns into
perhaps totally different directions. The more momentum you have
going for you, the easier it is to switch directions, even if you
have been going in the completely wrong direction.

You need to get started somewhere, and it is OK to let go of making
it the "best" direction to be going in. There is one more
qualification of this rule, however. It is much easier to get started
going downhill than facing up the hill. In other words, you do have
to choose something that you will succeed in. Here it is important to
realize where your strengths and weaknesses are.

A person who feels that they have failed in one job will sometimes
choose the next job at a "lower level." But this does not necessarily
mean it uses their strengths better. Often lower level jobs are ones
with more clerical, organizational demands and fewer higher-order
thinking demands. How much sense does it make to go with a job that
suites your ADHD abilities less? Think about what you really do know
that you can do well, and go with that. Narrow your vision for a
short while and stick to that, until you are moving again. Then you
can steer.

Can't even find a starting place? Here is another analogy for how
almost any activity is better than no activity at all. In sailing,
like bicycles, you can sometimes come to a full stop as well. But if
you "scull" the tiller back and forth you can actually fan the water
off the back of the boat enough to push yourself forward. Literally
changing direction, repeatedly and forcefully, can propel you forward
enough that you can then turn back into the wind and sail. There may
not be any other way to catch the breezes that will push you forward.

You don't fool yourself that this aimless churning of the water off
of your stern is deliberate steering. You know that it is just to
move you to where you can turn into the wind again. In other words,
if you do need to investigate a million possibilities, know that you
are sculling, not steering. You will meet lots of people, talk about
a lot of ideas, and something eventually is going to happen that will
push you along. Once you have momentum, then you can find where the
wind can help you most.

Is this making sense? Get moving forward before you try to steer. If
you can't move at all, steer everywhere, just to generate the
activity that will help you find some forward motion. Once you are
moving, then you can actually steer where you want to go.

Let's hope you never find yourself in this position. It is a very
lonely and scary place to be. But if you do find yourself there, know
these self-rescue tips and it might help you get back to smooth
sailing sooner than you think!

(Lew Mills, PhD, MFT, is a psychotherapist in San Francisco working
with adults with ADHD.)

===== Please Tell Us! =====

We thank members for their responses to the Newsletter. Any comments,
suggestions, or criticisms will be greatly appreciated. Please
continue to help us make this newsletter more beneficial to you all.

We also invite readers to share their experiences with us and other
members. Please feel free to write to us about anything that you
would like to see published.

You can e-mail your comments to us at CHADD_Dimples@....
Simply replying to this e-mail will also send your message to the
right place.