Center of Attention
Newsletter of CHADD of Northern California
Also at: http://www.chaddnorcal.org/newsletter
11 November 2002

CHADD Works to Improve the Lives of People with
Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder through Education, Advocacy,
and Support

===== In This Issue =====

About the Newsletter
Calendar of Events
Feature Article: Time Management & Organization
Please Tell Us

===== About the Newsletter =====

The Center of Attention is CHADD of Northern California's bi-weekly
newsletter. The newsletter is designed to keep you up to date with
CHADD of Northern California's activities and updates in the field.
It's a step toward bringing the members closer together.

======== Calendar of Events ==========

Marin - 11/12/2002, Tues. 7-9pm
Overcome Procrastination, Learn to Prioritize. -- Speaker: Deborah Lancastor
Town Center Corte Madera Community Room, Corte Madera - Contact:
Beverlee: 415-789-9464
============================
Alameda - 11/13/2002, Wed. 7 - 9 pm
Tri-Valley Parent Support Meeting --
Thomas J. Hart Middle School, Pleasanton - Contact: JoAnn Matone: 925-484-2173
============================
Yolo - 11/13/2002, Wed. Lending Library 7:00 pm; 7:15 pm to 8:30 pm
County Meeting -- CHADD welcomes all with interest or concerns
regarding attention deficit disorder.
Davis Branch, Yolo County Library, Davis - Contact: Yolo County
CHADD: 530-750-3929
============================
El Dorado - 11/16/2002, Sat. 10 am - 3 pm
Self-Advocacy Seminar for Students -- A free self-advocacy seminar
offered by Area Board III designed especially for special ed or 504
students (parents welcome as space permits).
100 Forni Road, Placerville - Contact: : 916-939-3905
============================
San Francisco - 11/18/2002, Mon. 7:00 - 9pm
Adult Success Group -- Share skills and strategies for success at
home, in the workplace, in relationships, etc.
CPMC Pacific Campus, San Francisco - Contact: Rachel Rosenfeld: 415-362-7227
============================
Marin - 11/19/2002, Tues. 7-9pm
Drop in Support Group -- for Adults with ADHD and Significant Others
Marin Community Mental Health, Greenbrae - Contact: Beverlee: 415-789-9464
============================
Contra Costa - 11/20/2002, Wed. 7-9 pm
Walnut Creek Adult General Support Meeting -- Ongoing, confidential
support groups for Adults with ADHD
Kaiser Mental Health, Walnut Creek - Contact: Donna Love: 925-687-4324
============================
Santa Clara - 11/20/2002, Wed. Reg: 7pm, Meet 7:30pm
Silicon Valley Adult, Parent and Spouse Support Groups -- Separate
peer-facilitated groups let you share struggles and strategies with
each other. Includes video.
Friends Meeting House, Palo Alto - Contact: Silicon Valley Warmline:
650-949-5472
============================
Online - 11/25/2002, Mon. 6-8:00 PM PST
Dr. Robert "Bob" Brooks - Fostering Resilience and Hope in Children
with ADD/ADHD --
CHADD Online Chat, Internet - Contact: Message Line: 510-291-2950
============================
Marin - 11/27/2002, Wed. 9:30-11:30am
Parent Informational Resource and Support Group -- Call First...
30 Catalpa Ave., Mill Valley - Contact: Victoria Vogel & Holly
Seerly: 415-383-6048
============================
Contra Costa - 12/4/2002, Wed. 7-9 pm
Walnut Creek Adult Topical Meeting: Taming the Tiger of Impulsivity --
Kaiser Mental Health, Walnut Creek - Contact: Donna Love: 925-687-4324
============================
San Francisco - 12/4/2002, Wed. 7:30pm
Women's ADD Support Group -- Please Call Lynn to confirm times and
locations before attending.
CPMC Davies Campus, San Francisco - Contact: Lynn: 415-621-1078
============================

===== Feature Article ======

Time Management and Organization

by Lew Mills, PhD, MFT

For adults, time management and keeping organized are often the
lingering symptoms of ADHD that extend past our childhood. Getting a
handle on these skills is usually a priority for ADHD adults. A good
place to start is a good book.

There are two kinds of books for "Time Management" and
"Organization." Knowing the difference may be the most important
thing you can learn. The difference is this: Some of authors know
that you have ADHD, and others don't get it. When an author gets it,
you'll harvest the three nuggets I have laid out for you below.

The nuggets are:
1. Know yourself and work with who you are.
2. Keep it simple
3. Don't fight yourself.

Let's start with the authors who don't get it about ADHD. A typical
approach to procrastination, for example, is to suggest that you take
a look at the unconscious reasons why you might delay important work.
Are you anxious about failure? Are you afraid of success? Do you
think that if you are successful, you will have to live up to
unrealistically high expectations from now on? Those could be
interesting questions, but for the ADHD adult, it is the wrong place
to start.

Here's what really matters. If you have ADHD, you don't see time the
way others do. You don't spread it out on a line, in equal minute
increments, one following the next at a constant speed. Yes, you know
that this is the way everyone says you are supposed to think about
time, but that is not how you do it.

No amount of cajoling about getting an earlier start is likely to be
helpful in changing this pattern. (I am writing this expert opinion
on this matter about three hours after I should have finished it up.
Trust me: knowing better doesn't count for much!)

Which brings me to a test for those authors who "don't get it." If a
book suggests that you should just try harder and get started
earlier, you should save your time by not reading it. You have
probably already "tried harder" repeatedly. The suggestion that you
"try harder at trying harder" this time is nonsensical.

So nugget #1 is that you need to understand how these things work for
you, not for some ideal person. Learn about yourself and accept what
you learn. Work with how you are, not how you should be. The good
news is that there are ways to work with the kind of person you are.
Good books show you how.

Here's another clue that you are on the wrong track. Your book's
project plan to get you organized is detailed in chapters 33 through
39. You now embark on the 18 step, process. You pick up the 23 items
you'll need at four different stores and lay them out on your living
room floor, by categories. You have made a special note of 14 things
to keep in mind as you proceed to get organizedŠ

I'm sorry! If you got this far, you may not have ADHD. Go check out
the Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder website. Getting organized for an
ADHDer has to be simple.

So here is nugget #2: Do it slow and simple. It actually takes years
to learn to organize yourself and manage time. Don't expect to get it
done in a weekend. It is worth it, but know that you are in for the
long run, and take it easy.

Now, here is a part that is most difficult and has the biggest
payoffs. Nugget #3 is, "Don't fight yourself." Why would you fight
yourself? Who knows! But we do fight with ourselves constantly, and
we usually lose!

A quality that often comes with ADHD is a penchant for fighting with
"authority." Most rules just seem stupid to an ADHDer. Maybe it's
true and lots of rules are stupid. But we can't let it go. We have to
show everyone how stupid those rules are. Rule-makers don't enjoy
this much and often have the power to make us suffer for sharing our
wisdom.

But therein is the tougher challenge. When we try to organize
ourselves, try to manage our time and so on, we are managing
ourselves. What? I just became a "manager" and a rule-maker? That's
right!

Now that you are a manager, this is your chance to make the kind of
rules that work, not stupid ones, not the ones that a person would
resent. You need patterns and structures that help you get things
done. Those are rules. You don't need new ways to punish yourself
when you break your own rules.

So reward yourself when you get it right. When you mess it up
completely, make your failure into a success. When you procrastinate,
remind yourself that you had a good time doing it. When you take a
break, go do something fun! Get off your back. Make the best of what
you were able to do, forgive yourself, and move on.

We do constantly disappoint ourselves, as we do others. But it just
doesn't do any good to punish yourself for it. Self-recrimination
wastes energy. Skip fighting with yourself, have a reasonable break,
and then go back to work for a self-"manager" that you like! You
don't need more "self-discipline." You need some "self-reward."

That's nugget #3. Don't fight with yourself. Catch yourself doing
something right and give yourself a raise.

Remember nugget #1? Know yourself and work with who you are. And #2:
Keep it simple.

OK. I think that a few good books are in order. I have created a few
links on the CHADD website where you can look up books that are
specifically geared toward ADHD adults. Check out which resonates
best for you. Don't buy them all today, right? Just get a start on
it. Read the introduction and leave it out on your kitchen table,
where you can see it. A good book will come back to you.

http://www.chaddnorcal.org/Books/Recs.htm

===== Please Tell Us! =====

We thank members for their responses to the Newsletter. Any comments,
suggestions, or criticisms will be greatly appreciated. Please
continue to help us make this newsletter more beneficial to you all.

We also invite readers to share their experiences with us and other
members. Please feel free to write to us about anything that you
would like to see published.

You can e-mail your comments to us at CHADD_Dimples@....
Simply replying to this e-mail will also send your message to the
right place.