Center of Attention
Newsletter of CHADD of Northern California
Also at: http://www.chaddnorcal.org/newsletter
10 June 2001

CHADD Works to Improve the Lives of People with
Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder through Education, Advocacy,
and Support

===== In This Issue =====

About the Newsletter
Feature Article: Discussing Sex With Your Children
This Week: Snippets
Please Tell Us
Calender of Events

===== About the Newsletter =====

The Center of Attention is CHADD of Northern California's bi-weekly
newsletter. The newsletter is designed to keep you up to date with
CHADD of Northern California's activities and updates in the field.
It's a new step toward bringing the members closer together.

===== Feature Article ======

The following article was published in ADDvisor newsletter earlier
this year. We are publishing this article in our newsletter with kind
permission from Alan Graham and Bill Benninger of ADDvisor.

"ADDvisorTM is your link to trustworthy, reliable information about
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). If you would like to
participate in any of our calls or our other programs, or would
simply like more information, including times and fees, call us at:
1-866-ADDvisor. Or you can email Alan Graham at Alan@... or
Bill Benninger at Bill@.... We will give you the information
you request."

DISCUSSING SEX WITH YOUR CHILD

A teenage boy walked into a drugstore and rather sheepishly asked the
clerk, "How much are a package of condominiums?" After thinking
moment, the clerk said, "Oh, you must mean condoms; they are five
dollars box." The teenager laid a five-dollar bill on the counter and
the clerk set out a box of condoms. The boy was about to leave when
the clerk stopped him and asked, "What about the tax?" A bit
perplexed at first, the teenager broke into and delighted grin
saying, "Oh, is that how I keep those things on!"

Needless to say, sexual information, values and attitudes are
learned. Some are learned from school, some from television and
movies, some from friends or siblings, some from religious programs
and some from parents. Whether you like it or not, your teenager has
already learned a lot about your sexual values from your interaction
with your spouse and the statements and attitudes you have subtly or
not so subtly expressed over the years.

Unfortunately, because of their impulsivity, teenagers with ADHD have
a higher percentage of sexually related problems than teenagers in
the non- ADHD population.

If you don't want to leave this most important part of your child's
education to chance, is essential that you join in the conversation.
How can you do this? The most important step in this process is to
create an atmosphere of openness, honesty and acceptance regarding
sexual information. Although easier said than done, here are some
suggestions for getting started:

1. Thoughtfully comment on TV, newspaper or other commentary
regarding sexual issues. Don't lecture. Comment in a noncritical,
thoughtful manner, and ask, "What you think about that?" Don't
criticize their answers. Try to continue the discussion using an
accepting, open ended, nonjudgmental style.

2. Look in the library for age-appropriate books and that the video
store for age appropriate videos. Read and watch them together. This
provides frequent opportunities to ask, "What do you think about
that?" and to offer your nonjudgmental opinion. Giving examples from
your growing up years can be a significant help. Don't be discouraged
if you're teenager avoids brief discussions. They are uncomfortable.
The only way to increase their comfort level is to continue to raise
these in a nonjudgmental manner. Borrow or purchase the book, The
Preteen's First Book About Love, Sex and AIDS, by Michelle Harrison,
M.D. and read it together.

3. Don't wait too long to start this process. If the door has not
been opened prior to ages 13 or 14, the adolescent will be more
likely to reject whatever you say, simply because of the normal drive
for independence that occurs at this age. Age-appropriate information
can be communicated as early as age five or six, and is often
prompted by the "Where do I come from?" questions. As the child grows
older and develops abstract thinking skills, very important questions
arise for such as "What is love?" For a thoughtful adult discussion
on, "What is love?" Read Section 2-"Love" from The Road Less
Traveled, by Scott Peck, M.D.

Additional questions of importance may include: What is the
difference between infatuation and love? Why do people have sex? What
are good and not so good reasons for having sex? What is birth
control? When and why do you use it? What are sexually transmitted
diseases and how do you contract them? Obviously there are no easy
answers to all these questions. That is why open communication is
essential.

As outlined in The Preteen's First Book About Love, Sex and AIDS,
there are "road signs" for us to help as we live our lives. Road
signs that can help teenagers make healthy sexual, as well as, life
choices include:

Believe in yourself.

Ask for help when you feel lost.

Slow down when things are moving too fast.

Protect yourself from danger.

Stop when you want to stop.

Don't be afraid to be alone.

Trust in your ability to make choices.

If you can find time (while riding in the car, eating dinner
together, or at a quiet time in the evening) to briefly address each
of these as related to sexuality and life in general, both you and
you're teenager will be greatly enriched.


======== This Week ==========

Here are some snippets pulled together by some CHADD members.

Cleaning your house while your kids are at home is like trying to
shovel the driveway during a snowstorm.

Kids really brighten a household; they never turn off any lights.

An alarm clock is a device for waking people up who don't have small kids.

===== Please Tell Us! =====

We thank members for their responses to the Newsletter. In order to
give you the best newsletter, we need your feedback. Any comments,
suggestions, or criticisms will be greatly appreciated. Please tell
us what more would you like to see in the newsletter and how we can
improve it.

Please e-mail your comments to us at CHADD_Dimples@....
Simply replying to this e-mail will also send your message to the
right place.


======== Calendar ==========

6/11/2001, 7-9pm - Ask the Doctor: Bipolar Disorders vs. AD/HD - Dr.
Po Wang, MD, Psychiatrist. Conjoint meeting with NAMI, DMDA and TARA.
Learn about similarities and differences between bipolar disorder,
AD/HD, major depression and other disorders. Dr. Wang is doing
research at the Stanford University Bipolar Disorders Clinic. New
location and date this time only, in the conference room at Marin
General Hospital.
Marin General Hospital, Greenbrae - Contact: Beverlee: 415-789-9464
============================

6/13/2001, 7 - 9 pm - Tri-Valley Parent Support Meeting,
Thomas J. Hart Middle School, Pleasanton - Contact: JoAnn Matone: 925-484-2173
============================

6/16/2001, 7-9pm - Drop in Support Group, for Adults and Teens with
ADHD and Significant Others
Marin Community Mental Health, Greenbrae - Contact: Beverlee: 415-789-9464
============================

6/18/2001, 7:30 - 9pm - San Francisco Adult Drop-In Support Group, If
you have questions about AD/HD, then this is where you should to
start.
CPMC California Campus, San Francisco - Contact: San Francisco
Warmline: 415-442-1944
============================

6/20/2001, 7-9 pm - Walnut Creek Adult General Support Meeting,
Ongoing, confidential support groups for Adults with ADHD - Note that
there will be no meetings in July.
Kaiser Mental Health, Walnut Creek - Contact: Donna Love: 925-687-4324
============================

6/20/2001, 6-8:00 PM PST - Online - Steven Ledingham - ADHD and Relationships,
CHADD Online Chat, Internet - Contact: Message Line: 510-291-2950
============================

6/20/2001, Reg: 7pm, Meet 7:30pm - Adult, Parent and Spouse Support
Groups, Separate peer-facilitated groups let you share struggles and
strategies with each other. Includes video.
Friends Meeting House, Palo Alto - Contact: Santa Clara Warmline: 650-949-5472
============================

6/21/2001, 7:30 pm to 8:30 pm - Yolo County Meeting, Speaker: John
Capel -- Teens with ADHD.
Bring your teen! Great Presentation.
Woodland Library, Woodland - Contact: Yolo County CHADD: 530-750-3929
============================

6/27/2001, 7-9pm - ADD and Your Medication - Dr. Richard Goldwasser,
CPMC Pacific Campus, San Francisco - Contact: San Francisco Warmline:
415-442-1944
============================

6/27/2001, 9-10:30am - Support Group for Parents of Children / Teens
with ADHD, Share your concerns with a parent who really understands.
10 Glen Drive, Mill Valley - Contact: Mary Jo Sorensen: 415-388-8817
============================

7/10/2001, 7-9pm - "ADHDers are from Mercury - Romantic Relationships
with ADHD" - Lew Mills, PhD, Marriage & Family Therapist. Hear how
couples are affected when one or both have ADHD. Pick up strategies
to understand and solve problems from the facilitator of CHADD of
Northern California's online "Partners Group."
Town Center Corte Madera Community Room, Corte Madera - Contact:
Beverlee: 415-789-9464
============================