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Hi,
how did you hubby take it the 2nd time? when you "were fine" (so it may have looked), the first time? Did he flip out?
When Talia turned 1, I was a bit triggered, I made plans that day and tried to keep myself busy. I still said, "oh, now I was being told so and so" ... or... "now I was in the OR". only my hubby sympythised with me, my mom had not tollerance and wanted me to grow up and focus on having the birthday party. , yeah, right, like she is EVEN gonna remember.
When she turned 2, it was less, but still came around.
It has helped since she has developed quite a spunky little personality. I just think of her as "my cute little two year old" and try not to think of how she came into this world. How I feel a part of me died that day. I have already obsessed and analyzed every decision, and actions I did the day she was born. If I Could, I think I would
change some things... but I can't.
I have noticed that when I get sad about other stuff, I seem to "fall" back into obsessing about being kniffed open, etc. After a year and a half of PPD, I wonder if feeling sad=thinking about her birth. I heard a story of a girl who lived a sad part of her childhood near a train track. She was always sad when she heard the train whistle blow. When she grew up, hearing a train wistle would make her feel melincoly and sad.
I don't know, everyone is different...
For me it was a lot about identity and safety. I started seeing a councilor when Talia was 4 months old and I couldn't stop crying. I was grieving my lost idenity.
ttm37148 <ttm37148@...> wrote:
I am a pretty new member, and have only really posted once, to share
my birth story, but have kept checking in on the forum. Wanted to
welcome you as well sweetdragonflyblue!! I'm so sorry that you need
to be here. I do hope that you find what you need and are able to
receive a bit of support here.
I am approaching my son's first birthday. I'm not entirely sure if
I have separated him from his birth yet. In fact, I'm actually very
nervous about the next month or so (his bday is 4/12) because I'm
already feeling triggered. I'm not sure if it is b/c of the
upcoming birthday or something else.
I too have been struggling with the aftermath of my son's birth, and
my daughter's as well. She was born 4 years ago. In both cases,
the medical establishment created/facilitated life threatening,
traumatic situations.
However, following my daughter's birth, I was in such shock that I
just threw myself back into work at 4 weeks post partum and kept
overfunctioning, overachieving....when my son was born under very
similar circumstances to that of his sister's birth, the PTSD
symtpoms hit. For the last 10 months, I have been trying to work
through them.
I wish you all peace, healing, and relief from symptoms!
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