Hello All ! 

 Baby Titan was born Dec 29, 2007..... 9 lb 12 oz and only 19 1/2 inches long , but a 14 inch head and a 15 1/2 inch chest!! yeeeow!

 

First, I am so happy to tell you all that our baby was born full term and healthy. He is 7 weeks old today. I have been enjoying his baby-moon. He is sweet, mellow and loves to nurse. He stares into my eyes so peacefully, content. God is so good. He was born at home (our new rental house, in Tennessee). Having a midwife was a bit of a trick. My homebirth midwife dropped me at 36 weeks! I had no one and was new to town. I posted a request of "did anyone know a mdwife" on a tennessee yahoo group. I got one ladies phone number and called her. I met her THAT day and 2 days later, Saturday, she caught my baby. I had considered doing it ourselves (we had one born in the truck on the way to the hospital 11 yrs ago), but it was a VERY good thing she was here... Titan's sholders got stuck, bad. she tried 3 different things and finally just reached in and slipped her thin hand on his back and pushed him around to turn more and then my husband caught him. It was much more painful than the other vaginal births, maybe it was the scar tissue or some emotional baggaage that I had a bit more of this time. But overall I am happy.

 

Dear HighRegard, .... I think I can relate some...

My preemie was born when we were headed on vacation, she was in the NICU for 5 weeks. She is three now, but only about 19 pounds. And we JUST went AGAIN to the hospital last week for more tests as to why she is not growing. I was traumatized by her c-section, by the loss of it all... for me and for her.. and for our family.

 It sounds like your care provider was negligent for your first birth. That is usually traumatic, you expect them to take care of you and your baby, but they let you down. I was let down by a homebirth midwife that failed to bring O2 to my 8,500 feet high altitude birth (that is Crazy, but she did it, the baby doesn't adapt to the low O2 enviroment in utero, it grows a bigger placenta, so almost all high altitude babies need O2...) She didn't breathe well for about 15 min. We were scared. When she was 18 months, she started having seisures when she cried out all her air. We did Cat scans, overnight sleep studies, on and on, and finally they just said it was "breathe holding". I disagreed, but she outgrew it by about 3 years. She is still so very intense and a bit ADHD, hyper... panics easily...

 

<<But what do you do when your birth trauma was caused by the hands of
<<the solution?

 

Sounds to me like you are condeming yourself. The same thing can happen and actually happens quite a lot with nurses in the hospital, ignoring a problem, sometimes a uterine rupture, sometimes just baby distress. You need to release the judgement against yourself that you caused this by your desire for a natural birth. your care provider was negilent, you were trusting them and they let your down. You are a PARTNER in PAIN with your daughter! you said it has hurt you and your family.

 

<<Long before I even conceived my first child, I started interviewing

<<midwives, birth centers and hospitals. I had an entire library of
<<books on the subject of giving birth before I was even pregnant. I
<<wanted the safest most natural birth possible for my baby.

Oh, it's ok... your knowledge isn't bad... it's not your fault!!! You just wanted the best for your baby!

I'm so sorry that bad thing happened to you... life is so unfair sometimes!

I have had occasional pangs of regret and remembering what Talia missed out on, but I am able to enjoy my new baby, Titan...

i have had that feeling, though...

 

Blessings to you as you seek healing!!

~Dana

 

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