Nora, for 35yrs I had anti-depressant meds offered to me, frequently
by MDs who were doped to the gills themselves. One psychiatrist was a
narcoleptic whose eyes rolled up in his head as I talked - and he
refused to admit that he was slipping away, probably reacting to my
Aspie (undx'd at that time, but surely evident in my deadpan delivery
of childhood horrors that I'd survived, in a manner of speaking). Now
that I have claimed my own Aspie dx, my social worker tell me that my
clinical depression is "in remission" - and I let her get away with
that, as she and others at my HMO failed to notice that I was simply
NOT depressed. I met truly depressed people in 35yrs of attending all
sorts of therapy groups and workshops. I could never explain how I
was able to do things they felt were beyond their reach, like get a
job, get out of bed, go to work. At 60, I was led to read an autism
site that recommended a book, a novel by Eliz.Moon (Speed of Dark)
that convinced me that I had found a dx that fit me like a glove. As
soon as I finished reading the book, I dialed my social worker and
asked her to set up an assessment for an official dx. She did so.
She is case manager and knows me well for many years, with files that
go back years before she came aboard at the HMO. So she was a rich
resource for a psychologist who met with me for an hour. I now have a
paper they created so that I have documentation for my Asperger's dx.

I cannot express what a massive RELIEF it has been for nearly 5yrs, to
know that my behavior, my Aspie traits, my outside-the-box thinking
and processing, is all part of Asperger's. As I heard myself saying
to the social worker who has been a support for many years, I AM NOT
BROKEN... scared me to hear that word, but it captures precisely how I
feared that I had been irreparably damaged by childhood trauma. Turns
out that Aspies tune out some abuse. We re-frame what hurts us, so
that it becomes less painful, more bearable. Kaleidoscopes do this,
allowing colorful pieces to fall into pretty patterns. I've always
loved kaleidoscopes. Now I understand why. They reflect my world
view, my habit to re-frame (a NeuroLinguistic Programming or NLP
concept) what is painful. I also now understand how I slip away, how
I manage to remove my tender psyche from events that my body cannot
escape. I just let my body manage as best it can, while I slip away
and hide out Elsewhere. Now that I'm 64 and aware that I'm Aspie, I
am working hard to stop slipping away and leaving my body to cope as
best it can. I am becoming a better advocate for my neglected body.

It's not easy. But I think it is worth learning about setting limits
and boundaries that I never learned to establish - or to honor.

--- In Aspies-Anon@yahoogroups.com, "Nora" <n0gainey@...> wrote:
>
> I'm new on this list too. I got to make this brief as one of my jobs
> is to feed my husband and he's just got home.
>
> I'm an absolutely ancient new Aspie. I'm not game to tell you how old
> just yet. My life has been a scramble to make sense of a world i do
> not fit into. (Gee, how unique i hear you all thinking LOL)
>
> I was diagnosed three weeks ago. Before that i was bipolar,
> borderline, ADD, generalized anxiety, PTSD; just about anything they
> can come up with.
>
> Has anyone else had other diagnoses?
>
> My friend Hal used to tell me i should have 'Born to Irritate'
> tattooed on me.
>
> Take care all,
> Nora
>