For any child, being pulled out of a place when absorbed into that
place is mentally and emotionally difficult------for an autistic,
much, much harder. Not an excuse-it just requires much harder work
to not have a reaction based on the triggers I mentioned in earlier
messages. It takes a great deal of work to get emotions under
control. Emotions and people would be easier to understand if they
did not have so many unpredictable variables.

The ability to ask for help rather than vent frustration is a hard
one. I still have not learned that. I just make sure that other
people do not hear me growl or scream when I vent. :) It is good
to hear from parents that are patiently working on helping their
child on this one. It can't be easy.

I agree that all people are more capable of working on self to learn
these skills. I personally have spent a lifetime of trying to talk,
sleep, and react to life "normally". Despite those continued
efforts, responding in ways against my nature does not come easy.
I think it is harder to change than some people/parents can
imagine. As a child and adult, I have always loved to be "alone
with the alone" where I do not have to "work" on making others
feeling comfortable.

I write this to remind all parents that sometimes it can be hard to
believe or accept why someone can't act or do something because that
something comes naturally or easier to so many other people.
Especially if there is no blatant physical reminder of a weakness-it
is easy to forget that there are many things that we view and handle
differently.

On the flip autistic side, there was and still is much I do not
understand about most people and why they can not do the things that
I can do- An example; It took me a long time to accept that my
fellow engineers could not memorize technical specifications and run
mathematical calculations in their head. I thought they were just
being lazy; using programs and calculators rather than just making
an effort to sit down and read/memorize the lengthy documentation-
after all can't everybody solve problems faster than calculator and
solve math problems in their dreams? For many years I just thought
those engineers were just not trying hard enough.

In response to some of the messages from parents who feel their
children do use tantrums and emotionally act in manner to "get their
way". I am not saying that it is not possible that their children
do not "use" their anger to manipulate-everyone is wired differently
and has different capacities. From what I understand, manipulating
with emotions is not typically an ability that many autistic
children have. My anger and meltdown were frequent as a child but
always related to the inability to cope, understand the world or to
find words that matched an emotion.

As I got into my pre-teens, I was able to manipulate the rules or
play some mind games, but even at that age, there was still no way I
was able to act or use my emotions.

As always, I hope my comments help provide a glimpse into the flip
side of the world's perception of "normal".

Pamela ©2006


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