Lauren Culp Asks;

"I would like to learn more about the discovery of having
autism/Asperger as an adult. How was the discovery of having the
diagnosis of Autism for people who were not diagnosed as children?

Dear Lauren;

For me personally, the discovery of the real meaning behind the word
and the connection of Autism to myself was life altering.

As a child, I had never heard the word mentioned. My first exposure
to the word autistic, was when it was used as a jest-like insult
directed to me by my now ex-husband. He often called me "Autistic"
when he was irritated with me, but I always thought that the meaning
was the equivalent to being artistic. I have the ability to draw or
paint realistic pictures as if they were a photograph, so I
ignorantly took the insult as if it were a compliment. Sometimes
ignorance is bliss.

Like many people, my first exposure to the meaning of the word
Autism was initiated with the popular Rain-Man movie. Dustin
Hoffman plays a character with severe Autism with many similar
quirks that I knew I had spent a life-time either hiding or
battling. To witness the meaning of the word through his acting was
a huge Aha moment for me.

It prompted me to research and ask questions to those who knew me
and to people who specialize in this field. The more I learned
about Autism, the more I learned about myself. After extensive
digging, It was reassuring to know that the many layers of things that affected
me,but went unnoticed by others, really did exist. I realized that I was not
loosing my mind- my mind was just wired differentlyand so were many others like
me.

Up until the Rain Man movie, I did not spend much time trying to
figure out why I did things differently than others because I was too busy
mirroring my behavior to fit in. I became skilled at "witnessing myself"
interacting in the world~ but I watched, not really understanding much about the
things that made me uncomfortable or rocked my core. I also had a lifetime of
watching how others reacted to me; monitoring myself and playing the chameleon
that allowed me to fit in. This was exhausting, especially in the professional
world. My absorption into technology and wanting to know every detail of my
profession consumed the rest of my time, so there was not much left for study of
myself or how my brain worked.

The discovery of Autism for me opened up a new direction of
introspection. I looked closer at myself and to the person who I
shared my house with. I legally separated from my husband and took
a 9 month personal and professional sabbatical dedicated for
discovery of self. The applicable word of autism has allowed me to
be more accepting of myself and less concerned about what others may
think about me. The connection to the word is not an excuse, but it
allowed me to be more accepting of my differences.

For other adults I have met on the spectrum, the connection to the
word has also prompted a path of self-discovery. Despite the ripple
event in my life that eventually delivered a divorce, it was one of
the BEST things that has happened to me. I discovered that trying
to be like everyone else did not make me better, it just made me
fake and hyper-sensitive to what others thought of me. I found that
every person, autistic or not, has unique wiring in their brain and
they have history and environments that affect who they are. I
discovered the real meaning behind the word empathy-for myself and
for others.

Thank you for asking Lauren. May you and other readers have a
blessed and uplifting Holiday

December 24, 2007
Pamela Kluth©
Dissemination, distribution or copying of this message
is strictly prohibited unless you provide credit to the author.