Dear Norah;

Your question about how you can get out of going to a professional
social event without making anyone mad at you brought back memories
of my own history of corporate blunders. Despite the numerous
embarrassing moments, I managed to move successfully up the
corporate ladder.

Your "Aspie Advisor" may have some validity in that we do risk a
chance at blundering, and perhaps under extreme circumstances, could
loose a job. In that same comparison, I must point out that a one-
year old learning to walk could fall down and seriously get hurt
while learning a skill that does not come naturally. Should we
remove the joy of exploration for things that could happen? No,I
recommend approaching a risky situation with preparedness.

Here are a few suggestions;

1.) Arrive and stay at the event with "mindfulness";

a. Under no circumstances should you consume anything that does
not allow you to maintain control of your brain, especially alcohol.

b. I spend more time calming my brain before an event than I do
fixing my hair. If I feel anxious, I do meditation or take time in
the car to ground myself and rid any nervous energy.

c. Reciting mantras applicable to what you will keep in mind
can be useful. One example would be; "Listen more, talk less".

2) Most people love to talk about themselves. (This is the best
tip I ever learned.)

a. If you are in a social work situation, then ask them about
what consumes their time when they are away from work. This
question is applicable even if you asked them the same question a
month ago.

b. It is easy to turn conversation back into their lap if they
ask you questions. I make my responses brief and then turn it with
a follow up question to them about their family, or if they have had
any fun vacations lately.

3) Research social rules and conversation skills.

a. My saving grace was listening to a series of tapes on
professional etiquette and conversation skills during long commute
times. There is also good information on the web. (Search
under "social etiquette", "conversation skills" and "work
etiquette"). Even www.youtube.com has videos on conversation skills!

There is much to be gained professionally if you learn how to play
the social game, so I can not help you escape an event with an
excuse. It was a learned skill and does not come naturally for me.
Before going anywhere public, I prep for the game and can pretend to
enjoy myself, I just don't let anyone see me tapping my heels and
mumbling, "There's no place like home".

Thanks for asking!
Pamela Kluth ©2007

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