Tracy writes about wishing she could tell people about her
boundaries with out them taking it personally. She states;

"So I had a really hard day at work today. I had a guy come in to get
his hair bleached out. He wanted me to use a 40 volume activator with
bleach. He also wanted me to put him under a dryer. I was had much
anxiety about this. Bleach with 40 volume can really burn some ones
scalp let alone make there hair fall out.

One of my favorite coworkers sat in the chair next to him asking him
all kinds of questions. I did not want her there at the time because
I wanted to concentrate on getting the product on his hair and doing
it fast.

I tried to ask as nicely as I could focusing on trying to sound
tactful
for her not to watch so she would not talk. I did not put the talking
thing in there. She was angered by this and said a mean comment as
she walked away. I was bothered by this and told the customer I was
sorry for the situation. After I was done she yelled at me saying all
kinds of mean things to the point were I was crying. I could not
handle this. I ended up having to leave.

I feel horrible I wish I could tell people my boundrys and have it
not end so horribly all the time. like this time christal my other
co worker just came up and yelled at me for not writting a
appointment down. I did write it down I thought to myself. I
eventualy figguered out what was going on. I wrote the appointment
down on the wrong date. I tryed to tell my co worker as tactfuly as
i could that she was good at what she did and I thought it would be
alot more productive if she helped me figure out what was going on
insted of just yelling and walking away"

My Response to Tracy:

Thank you for sharing more about yourself.

Interacting with people can be exhausting and often difficult.
Personally, I will take machines, technology or mother-nature over
people any day of the week.

I am impressed that you have chosen a profession that places you in
a situation that requires connecting with people. This sounds like
an excellent practice arena that can help you learn more about your
self and others. I intentionally spent many years working closely
with people so I could overcome some of my difficulties. It was an
important piece to my growth.

The next time someone invades your space or does not take your hint,
be tactful like you tried to do, but I also suggest taking onus or
blame of the difficult moment (even though it is often not your
fault.) I do this so the other person does not take it personally,
which when they do can result in them having a "knee jerk
reaction" toward you. For example, I may say; "Hey Joe-please don't
take this personally, because this is my problem, not yours. I am
having a tough time focusing right now and I feel terrible for
having to ask you this, but would you mind continuing the
conversation later---I am so sorry—" This usually works for me in
numerous situations.

In regards to your comment about the other co-worker and how she
handled the mistake without compassion or tact. I typically replay
or have a "de-briefing" session with myself after encounters like
this to see if I could have handled a situation better.
You "debriefed" via your letter to us which was great. I am glad to
hear you are accessing difficult situations. When I do this, I often
find that many people respond poorly and rudely because there is
much more behind their fueled response than just me making an
innocent mistake or blunder. Everyone has a story," stuff" or
baggage that they often carry around with them. This baggage can
make some responses or actions unpredictable. I must add however,
by replaying the situation I also find that I could have handled it
better. I can't change others, but I can work to change my own
feelings and actions with mindfulness.

Through the years of examining my interactions, I have found that
empathy toward others is great medicine for all involved especially
when I get hurt by someone else's insensitivity or blatant
rudeness. I rationally empathize the situation inside my head. I
do this as a tool so I do not internalize their response. For
example, if my coworker snapped at me about having made an error on
a schedule, I would tell myself that there must be more behind her
reaction. She must be dealing with other "stuff" in her life that
is bringing her to a bad place- I just added to her load and she is
over-reacting. I will try to be more conscientious and give her the
benefit of the doubt that in her midst of issues, she most likely
did not know she was hurting me with her response.

I recommend practicing to release the actions of others after reviewing the
encounter then empathizing-try not to let your own personal history or issues to
cause you to take responsibility or react to their poor responses. Mindfully, I
use a "white-board" visual. Put the incident up there for review, make a mental
note of what you can do better-insert empathy if needed, then wipe it off. Be
done with it.

You have some great questions and situations that will help others.
I hope you keep sharing. It is encouraging to see the work you are
doing for yourself on this difficult path of yours.

Pamela
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