Lauren-Thank you for asking; At what age do you think it is
acceptable to tell children that they have Aspergers?

It is my opinion that at almost any age a child can be told that
there is a name or label that explains their difficulties- IF it is
delivered correctly for the child's intellect. More importantly
than age appropriateness, is HOW it is told. This is the point I
wish all caregivers could understand.

If a child believes that Autism means there is something hard-wired
wrong with them, they may spend a life time viewing it as an
insurmountable struggle.

If a child believes that there is a name that describes the
difficulties, but also delivers other amazing capacities-this sets
an entirely different platform for working through the struggles.
It is not scary for most children to play games that battle them
through frightening places if they know there is a treasure at the
end of the fight.

It seems that most parents of Autistic children that I have
personally met have a huge cloud of sorrow that resonates straight
from their heart when they talk about their child. The pain of
this subject most certainly holds some justification, but must
absolutely be cleared from their hearts and heads before any child
is given a name or label that typically signifies a disability.

Like a dog that senses fear in people, many of us sense the sorrow,
the fear, the pain. Most children do not have the tools to
identify what feels wrong with Mom or Dad with reference to this
label, but they can sense that they do not like it. They may even
be able to extract that something is wrong, it is bad, it is
scary.

There are enough people in the outside world that are uncomfortable
around us and react to our differences in a manner that shakes our
confidence. Inside we know we are different- I would not want to
feel that my parents view me as damaged goods as well.

I do not believe that painting a smile on your face and just talking
about the positives of Autism is enough. A parent must 100%,
unconditionally believe that their child is perfect and capable
just the way they are and believe that they can help deliver the
tools for their child to help them battle their way through the hard
parts of the journey.

If a parent's belief is not true, then the corner of your self that
holds the fear is still present in the delivery and puts a layer of
confusion on the message. (Do you ever find that some clowns are
scary? They paint a smile and act silly, but when they have hidden
personal stuff on the inside-it feels wrong- That's what I am trying
to validate. )

Good timing, and delivery applies to how your child discovers that
their brain is wired differently than many others which explains why
some things are harder for them than other kids their age.

I will work on a list of how I view Autism/Aspergers as a gift,
rather than a burden and will post this in the near future. I hope
it will help people see that there are great things about how my
different brain works and I would not trade it for anything.

Pamela ©2007


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