Dear Nancy,
I do understand. I also get 3.am. phone calls from my 30 year old
adhd, bipolar son. It is so difficult because you are torn between
helping him and keeping your own sanity. When they are threatening
suicide you would feel the guilt forever if you didn't stay on that
line. Nancy the only thing that really helps me is trying to
understand that I can not help him. He has had to learn he is on his
own. If that means homelessness, sucking the flavor out of rice (his
words) when he doesn't have any money for food, or walking when he
wreaks his fifth car that thats what it means. It sounds and feels
so harsh. Your heart aches and truthfully I still will listen when
he calls at 3 a.m. However,that is all I will do,listen and offer
what ever comfort I can. Its useless I know because when they are in
those very low lows nothing you can say will help anyway they just
have to work thru it. But you know what Nancy? Over the years I have
noticed that the lows still always follow the highs but he seems to
find the strengh somewhere to now pull himself up just before
eviction or another place if he does get evicted or to find another
job after losing so many or to get himself a bus ticket to a new
town to start all over. I've had to let him learn to find his own
way and even though it breaks my heart i think it has helped him in
the long run. Before he would only call when his world was crashing
and we still don't communicate on a regular basis (he keeps me on a
buddy list so i can at least see the flash when he goes on-line,
small comfort but I know he's alive and when hes going thru what he
does i don't push him, I might just instant message him an xxx so he
knows I'm there) but now i get to enjoy the high highs with him when
he has a new master plan or a new relationship or just to hear that
things are going well. I try to take comfort in that. I've stoped
trying to get him to live life according to my rules ,or trying to
convince him how much better off he would be if he did things like
everybody else. And I pray for the understanding that the Lord will
teach in the way He shall choose. It's his journey.

Dee




--- In ADD_ADHD_Online_Support_Group@yahoogroups.com, "John"
<chtsjohn@...> wrote:
>
> Hi Everyone
> My name is Nancy and I am new to this group but not to adhd! My son
> Jeff has severe ADHD , ODD, OCD, Bipolar, to name a few! He is
now 21
> y/o and I am still going through difficult time with him. He cannot
> hold a job long enough to secure benefits, he cannot keep an
apartment
> either due to his inability to hold a job or pay rent. He is
calling
> claiming he will commit suicide when ever life gets tough. He is
> addicted to alcohol and drugs and I am slowly loosing my mind! I
can't
> sleep anymore, I am so depressed I don't know what to do and I need
> help! I hope to find some support here!
> Thanks for listening
> nancy
>