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The ADD / ADHD Gazette
The FREE online ezine all about ADD and ADHD.
http://home.freeuk.net/theadhdgazette

*** ISSUE #31 *** June 2000
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IN THIS ISSUE .........
1; EDITORIAL
2; OUR DAY
3; NEW YORKSHIRE ADHD PRACTICE
4; ARTICLE; For Stepdad: Happy Father's Day!
5; ADD: THE LIGHTER SIDE
6; Classifieds


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1; EDITORIAL

Hi all.
Welcome to all the new subscribers who have come to us since
the last issue. There seems to have been a rush of subscribers
recently, after a quite a period on inactivity. I think what has
happened is that I recently I re-listed The Gazette in a
different section at eGroups. Looks like before, the newsletter
wasn't in the correct or most effective category listing so
people weren't finding us that easily.

Since moving to another category however, subscriptions have
shot up which is great! Don't forget though, to keep forwarding
The Gazette to your friends or other acquaintances who might
be interested in receiving it. Also if you are members of any
groups or lists a quick mention in these would also be most
appreciated.

Anyway I hope all new (and regular of course) subscribers enjoy
this issue of The ADD / ADHD Gazette.

Best wishes - Gail

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2; OUR DAY

Thanks go to one of our Gazette readers for the following;

Our Day

Peaceful start .... Nadine (10) staying over at a friends,
Sally (16) at work, Nigel (hubby) at work ..... No
confrontations ..... Good ...... Thomas (ADHD 8Yrs) watching
TV, no demands ..... Got dressed, went off out to play with
one of the lads in the street ..... Got housework done .....
Thomas came home with a few kids got his fishing rod and
off they went complete with worms ..... My lucky day .....
3pm picked up Sally from work, Mum & Dad came to visit for a
while ...... Sally's friend Claire came over for a few hours
..... still a nice relaxed day.

Andrew, my neighbour, kept an eye on Thomas whilst Sally,
Claire and I went to the Launderette ..... washing machine is
broken ..... get home complete with car load of washing .....
Thomas greets me with a kiss ..... lovely .....Nigel still at
work.

So you are thinking why does this woman complain ..... well
at 8pm Thomas is outside walking off down the road puffing
on a cigarette! To avoid confrontation I decide to wait until
he comes back to confront him. Meanwhile I am in the
neighbour's house having a cuppa. Bad idea ..... Andrew (the
neighbour's hubby) has just been to Tesco and comes driving
along the end of the road just in time to see Thomas leaving
the local school grounds in a cloud of smoke ..... oh oh .....
Yes you have guessed ..... Another fire ..... I called the
brigade as there was smoke billowing out of the trees ..... The
local engine is out of commission and the nearest one is 7 miles
away ..... By now the smoke is subsiding ..... The engine however
has yet to arrive ..... Thomas is in the house innocently
watching TV ..... I go in and ask if he is OK. He looks very
sheepish as he knows that things have got out of control but
he does not yet realise that I also know!

I ask him if he wants to tell me anything and he says no .....
Andrew then comes round with my bits from Tesco ..... He also
asks Thomas if everything is OK. Thomas asks why, and he
says that someone has started a fire. He then tells Thomas he
saw him near it and asks if he got hurt ..... By now the engine
has arrived and the bloody fire has all but gone out !!!!

Typical.

The fire officer came in and had a chat to Thomas about the
error of his ways and he was a really competent chap, got
through to Thomas without being condescending ..... We have
one of our local fire officers coming out on Monday to take
details and get Thomas put onto the fire setters list .....
Pretty serious. Then they arrange for a trained fire service
counsellor to come and see us for as long as this takes to
work through ..... Nigel still at work ..... Sally's mate Claire
needs a ride home so off we jolly well go for a 20 mile round
trip ..... Bad idea!

Two thirds of the way and a deer runs out in front of the car. I
brake, miss him and then get a severe thump in the driver's door
..... A second deer hit us and was killed instantly, broken neck
..... Not very nice at all, Sally was distraught, screaming and
sobbing .....Thomas was silent, Claire was consoling Sally
and I was not too happy ..... It was a lovely animal ..... Got
out of the car and dragged it to the side of the road ..... then
noticed the huge dent in my car door!

Ho Hum ..... Get back home, 9.45pm ..... Finally Nigel is
home ..... Has been for all of 15 minutes ..... Is not too
bothered about the car. That's good ..... Tell him of Thomas'
escapade and he does not even comment. Oh well ..... roll on
tomorrow !!!!!


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3; NEW YORKSHIRE ADHD PRACTICE

Dear Gail,
I recently relocated to the UK (Harrogate) and have just
opened The A.D.D. & Family Support Centre, 3 Princes
Square, Harrogate, HG1 1ND, (01423) 521776 or
07720394472. I'll be working with children AND adults,
having adult groups (including parenting and couples), etc.
I've also been spending time is various locations once a
fortnight seeing clients. I've been working with various
health and education authorities and will be speaking at a
few special needs conferences in the next month. I would be
grateful if you could pass this information on to you readers.

Regards
Ron Weinstein (AKA Dr. Ron)


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4; ARTICLE ; For Stepdad: Happy Father's Day!
by Bob Seay


"Happy Father's Day!"
Oh, wait. I'm sorry. You're not their "real" dad, are you?

Give me a break.

If ever there was an unsung hero, it is the stepfather. "The
Wicked Stepmother" may be the evil character of the Disney
classics, but at least she could defer to BioDad to discipline
the child. Stepdads, on the other hand, are expected to take
over when Mom doesn't feel like (or can't) handle it.
Parenting, and especially disciplinary stuff, is hard enough
when the child shares your genes. Stepdads are at a double
disadvantage. They are supposed to discipline the child
without getting the mother angry. The entire episode can turn
into this big perpetrator/victim/rescuer thing that nobody
really wins but Stepdad ends up losing most of all.

Some stepfathers handle this by backing away. They let
Mom take care of everything. But that's not really being a
father to a child. In the eyes of the child, that can make
the difference between being "Dad" and being just "that man
my mother married." Being a stepparent is easier if you
have an easy to parent child. It can be Hell if the child
happens to be one of those who are difficult to parent.

I know. I have both.

For inspiration as a stepfather, I look to the character of
Joseph. This guy was the ultimate stepparent. Don't think
that raising Jesus was easy. Even Jesus pulled the "You
can't tell me to do that" bit on Joseph. The kid disappears
for three days while they are travelling; the entire tribe
has to turn around to go back and find him, and, once he does
turn up, he pops up with this "Know ye not that I have to be
about my Father's business?" stuff. Translation: "My REAL
dad said I could."

Jesus was 12 when that happened. There is nothing else
written about him again until he is 30 years old.

That's because he was grounded.

The other classic example of a stepfather is Mike Brady. Mike
Brady, the 70's version of "Father Knows Best", ruled his
home with an iron fist covered with a velvet glove. He was
caring, patient and wise. He had none of those nasty masculine
traits that create problems for dads. Can you imagine Mike
Brady breaking wind while the kids are in the back singing
"When it's time to change...?". No way. Mike Brady was
perfect.

A little too perfect.

Personally, I think he and Sam the Butcher had something
going on behind Mrs. Brady and Alice's backs.

Stepfathers deserve special appreciation. They have
sacrificed that special time alone with their wife before
the kids would have been born. In some cases, they may
have forfeited the idea of having biological children for
the sake of being able to provide a better life for the
children that were already there. And, in many more
cases, they have to subordinate their own needs as a man
for the unconditional love of a child to those of the biological
father. Sure, he sees them on weekends and during vacation.
Stepdad is the one who rushes them to the doctor when
they're sick, or takes the time to explain to a seventh grade
girl why boys aren't always nice. Stepfathers are the mean
men who say "No, you can't stay up all night on a school
night." BioDads are the party givers, the trip takers, the
all around nice guys who don't have that many stupid rules,
laugh a lot, and buy all kinds of nice gifts.

Stepdad is the one who has the rules. He's the one who
might not have any extra money because BioDad forgot
to send his child support check again and it costs a lot
to feed and buy clothes for three teenagers.

And, if Stepdad is lucky, he's the one who is making
a difference in the lives of these children.

So, when you are helping your son or daughter pick
out a nice Father's Day gift for their "real" dad on
Father's Day, try to remember that this father in
absentia is missing out on watching his kids grow up. Try
not to envy the fact that while you're spending the night
with a sick child, this guy is spending his nights with
women half his age. We're talking women who barely remember
Jimmy Carter. Now, THAT would be a horrible way to live. You
can bet he's not spending his Saturday afternoon looking
for some last minute gift for some guy he doesn't even like.

Make sure that you help pick out something real nice.
Maybe this purple and yellow plaid necktie that's the size
of a tablecloth that your eager four-year-old is waving in
front of your face.

"Yes, son. I think he'll love that."

---------------------------
Copyright Bob Seay
Immense thanks go to Bob Seay for kind permission to
reproduce this article. Bob is a freelance writer who lives
in Colorado. In addition to his work at Themestream,
http://www.bobseay.com/themestream/ he writes the
Attention Deficit Disorder website at http://add.about.com.
His online portfolio is available at http://bobseay.com


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5; THE LIGHTER SIDE
a collection of "quotes without comment" from Prodigy

* Brad Collins speaking about his son Christopher, says: He
HATES to go to bed. One night when he was 4, upon being
requested to scoot to bed, said with a sigh, "Oh, Mommy,
can't you make the Earth turn very fast at night and very
slowly during the day?"

*Linda Simpson prepared the following list of Ten things to
do with a pencil - if you're ADHD!!

Blow it across the desk.
Fly it through the air.
Hold it high in the air and drop it.
Stick it in the holes of the chair.
Thread it through your belt loops.
Pick the threads of your socks.
Roll it inside your desk.
Poke your neighbour.
Sharpen, then Resharpen it.
Lose it.

*Lisa Zottnick wrote:

I'm reminded of when I was teaching a class of 12 ADD/LD
junior highers a few years ago. We began the year with all
students classified as LD, and five students dx'd ADD as well.
Soon, as more info went home and we got to know the students
better, four more kids were dx'd ADD. In the spring - I finally
got my diagnosis and began taking Ritalin, too. When the
school nurse came to my class at noon with water and meds,
she handed me a cup, as she knew I needed to take my meds,
too. One of the students came over very concerned and asked,
"Mrs. Z, are you SURE this ADD stuff isn't contagious???"

*Krisanne Sinott shared the following which was on the door
of one of her professors:

Tell me ............ I'll forget it.
Show me ...........I'll remember it.
Involve me ..... I'll understand it.

* If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read OK?

* Why is the word "Abbreviation" so long?

* I wonder why they call it a TV set when there's only one
of it?

-------------------
Ed. Note: This article appeared in the Spring '93 GRADDA
Newsletter - The Greater Rochester Attention Deficit Disorder
Association. PO Box 23565, Rochester, New York 14692-
3565. Their excellent web site can be found at
http://www.netacc.net/~gradda

Thank you sincerely to Dick Smith, the GRADDA Newsletter and
Web Page Editor for his kind permission to use this article.

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6; Classifieds

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"WILD CHILD - A Mother, A Son And ADHD"
ISBN NUMBER 1 872229 24 7 Patten Press
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My story, which tells of how I was driven to the edge of
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that be' for appropriate awareness and treatment for
his condition.


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IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER
Items herein are published for education/information purposes
only. Any therapy, product, service, or featured web site
mentioned does NOT imply endorsement by The Gazette.
Accuracy and content of any web sites featured cannot be
guaranteed. Views and statements written by contributors are
not necessarily the views of The ADD / ADHD Gazette.
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SEE YA NEXT TIME ~ Gail Miller 2000
theadhdgazette@....

And remember ..........
"If your not making waves than you ain't kicking hard enough"