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The ADD / ADHD Gazette
The FREE online ezine all about ADD and ADHD.
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*** ISSUE #26 ***
10th March 2000

IN THIS ISSUE:
Research project. Can you help?
News and Views
ARTICLE : Parents' Positive Tips For Dealing With Professionals
Resources

******************SPONSOR ************************

TAKING A.D.D. TO SCHOOL by Ellen Weiner
UK; http://www.Amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/189138306X/gailmiller
US; http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/189138306X/theaddadhdgaze
This super book introduces the topic of ADD and ADHD to parents
assuring them that their kids are just the same as the rest of the group.

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Research project; can you help?

I received the following letter recently. If you are in the UK
ONLY, you might be able to help;

Dear Gail
I live in the UK. As the mother of an ADHD son and ADD myself,
when I recently had to choose a subject for university I chose:-

"WHAT SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE TO PEOPLE WITH
ADD/ADHD AND THEIR FAMILIES IN THE UNITED
KINGDOM AND ARE THESE ADEQUATE?"

on which I am now writing a dissertation.

I want to hear from families in the UK living with ADD/HD who
would be willing to share their personal experiences of - for example -
Ease or otherwise of obtaining assessment, diagnosis.
Support/Services which have been offered.
Whether they have had to find out much by trial and error,
investigating possibilities themselves and having to request that
assessment for ADD/HD be made?
Whether they have had to push to be heard or have actually had
ADD/HD suggested to them as a possible answer?
Adult experiences - How easy or otherwise has it been to have an
assessment/diagnosis as an adult?
Was this available through the NHS?
Were there criteria which excluded an adult from assessment such as age?
School awareness/facilities
AD/HD children's attitude to/progress in school -
schools which are 'ADD aware'?
GP knowledge about AD/HD
What social consequences have arisen from someone in the family
having AD/HD?.....can it be socially 'excluding'
Media representation?
etc., etc., etc., in the UK.

I have a wealth of information from all over but little specific to UK.

This is purely for research, not for any financial gain. All responses
would be kept entirely confidential and names omitted unless
specifically requested that they be included in my paper.
I should be eternally grateful for whatever help you are able to give!

C L Hawksworth claire@...

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NEWS AND VIEWS

Thank you for the recent edition of your newsletter. I am the
mother of an ADHD and dyslexic child. I was unable to find the
summer resources that I was looking for, for my son, and so
several years ago, I created our own. I am the founder of The
Learning Camp which is an academic camp for children that learn
differently. We work on reading, writing and math in the mornings,
with teachers, and our afternoons are filled with adventure,
building self esteem and developing social skills. We are located
in the heart of the Rocky Mountains in the Vail Valley of Colorado
and we take only 35 children per session. Children come from the
all over the world to practice the basics, build self esteem and foster
independence. Please visit our web page and please include it in
your newsletter if you feel that it would be helpful to others.
Sincerely,
Ann Cathcart - Learning Camps, Inc.
http://www.learningcamp.com

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"Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder; Recognition, Reality
and Resolution"

A day conference for parents and professionals
Speakers; Dr G Kewley & Mrs P Latham

Saturday 8th April 2000
10.00am - 4.15pm

Akyline Suite, Ponds Forge International Sports Centre,
Sheaf St, Sheffield UK.

Ticket price £15 (including refreshment and buffet lunch)

Further details; 0114 2350130
0114 2306489

Cheques / POs payable to ADHD Lecture (PLEASE INCLUDE SAE)
18 Peterborough Drive, Lodge Moor, Sheffield. S10 4JB


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ARTICLE; Parents' Positive Tips For Dealing With Professionals
by an ADHD Gazette Reader

Thank you to my good friend for providing me with the following
article. If anyone else had any tips for parents, please send them in.

Sorry I've been a bit slow getting round to it. It's not that I'm chicken,
well alright, I am a bit. They are kinda my own little secret weapon
and I feel weird telling other people.... These really are just notes to
myself, and things which help me and kind of psyche me up and make
me feel more able to cope and less intimidated. But they may not be
the things that would help other people... I dunno. Either way, If I
pass them on maybe someone else can add stuff, so here goes...

As I said it starts off with a sheet with "I will no longer be the
victim..... I am here to get help for my son.... I am not here to win any
popularity contest..... if they think I'm difficult, nasty, neurotic etc,
that's irrelevant..... what's important is that I act on behalf on my son
and make them aware of his needs and his problems."

Other sheets are made up with shortened versions of some of the
points below... I find the shorter and snappier the easier they are to
remember.... Like for the first one SLOW I'd just put SLOW -
No need to jabber! etc.

SLOW No need to jabber, force yourself to talk slowly, to give
yourself time to consider your words. (I tend to jabber 19 to the dozen
when I'm upset, nervous, wound up!) PAUSE before you answer!
Gives you time to think and it's unnerving for them to have to wait!

BRAVADO They don't know how scared you are! It doesn't show!
Act brave and assertive and that's what they'll see! So you're still
shaking like a jelly inside, but pretend you aren't! Guess what? After
a while you even start to believe it yourself!

FEAR? ANXIETY - NOT necessarily all bad because they produce
adrenaline which prepares you for the fight! So feel good about being
nervous!!! and USE that adrenaline! (So no need to keep putting off
meetings which you dread! You wouldn't want to waste that adrenaline)

PERSISTENCE Along with calm, state your point of view calmly but
very firmly and assertively... you are entitled to hold a view. Its YOURS
and they may not agree with it or like it but it's as valid as anyone else's.

DON'T EXPLAIN State your case! Plainly and as simply as possible.
Give examples if it helps... BUT NEVER, EVER feel you have to justify
yourself, or your feelings and concerns for your child. You're supposed
to fight for your child.. that's what Mum's are for!

PERSONAL ATTACK If they stoop to personal attack or abuse, don't
get caught up in it, it'll distract you from the reason you are there. Say,
I
don't feel that's relevant or 'that's as maybe but......then go back to the
point.

SIDE-TRACKED Like above, don't allow them to side-track you into
discussing something else. I think they do this on purpose... then all
of a sudden you've run out of time, the meeting's over and you haven't
said half the things you wanted to. If you can let them go on for a little
while then leap in with something more relevant to bring it back on track.

LISTEN More than you talk! You will learn more, also if you save your
words, and use them wisely/sparingly - they'll have more impact! They
are more likely to get the point too if it's not lost amongst waffle. PLUS,
it's unnerving for them!

PRAISE/CONCILIATION Alright, so you don't want to seem the
aggressor, but that doesn't mean you have to go along with what they
say. Don't be afraid to disagree! If you do it right, and are calm and
polite but insistent then you are perfectly reasonable to do so. Like wise
with praise, guard it and use it only carefully where entirely warranted,
otherwise they may use it against you! (Very cynical that; sorry. Learnt
the hard way, tried to be reasonable and get in their good books, they
used it against me and said Oh but Mrs G said that.....)

EVADE Never, let yourself be pressured into making promises or
decisions you can't keep or haven't fully considered the consequences
of. Say I need time to think about that, and can I get back to you on that,
or outright say.. I can't make that kind of decision on the spot.

SAY IT AGAIN SAM! If they've said something that's out of order
(all the time!) and nasty, rather than getting upset and in a rage... get
them
to repeat it.. chances are they won't an bill backtrack. i.e. say, 'so what
you're saying is..' or 'are you suggesting that...' or 'I'm sorry I don't
understand what you mean by that..'

REITERATE If they don't seem to be getting the message, or don't
want to...or try to side-track. Keep on saying it over and over, can repeat
it
straight or change perspective slightly but either way DON'T let them lose
the point of you being there.

QUESTION Most of us are afraid to question those we suppose are
above us, BUT unless you ask them outright or direct questions, you can't
find out what's really going on. Otherwise a lot of beating around the bush
goes on and at the end of it you are none the wiser and still are in the dark
as to what they are really up to.. i.e.. do you come out, and feel I wonder
what
they meant by that? Next time, stop them and actually ASK! Besides which
it often embarrasses them when they try to explain because more often than
not their slant on things tends to seem petty and unreasonable when it's
actually spelt out in the open!

ANTI-NEGATIVE If they insist on saying really negative remarks about
your child.. try taking them and throwing them back with either the
question/repeat above or else reframe them, i.e. 'he's so stubborn...'
you say 'yes he can be determined...' Alright it's hard but try!

DISAGREE It IS OK to disagree! But do it so that it looks like it's them
that are being the unreasonable ones! Say, 'that's most regrettable that
you think that way...' or 'I'm sorry that we can't seem to reach an
agreement..' That way invariably they'll be the one's to switch track
and try to compromise.

IF ALL ELSE FAILS - LEAVE! DON'T EVER hang around when you're
on a loser! If you've tried your best and still can't convince them - thing's
will just get worse from there on, and usually it ends up with them trying
to lay all the blame on you! If it's really bad, just go... you don't have
to
take it... otherwise try 'I think you've made you're position clear. We will
certainly think very carefully about what you have said..' THAT REALLY
SCARES THEM! What's she going to do?

I think that'll do for now if anyone's still with me after all this :-) well
done,
I'll leave it there... but you get the idea... Pick a few and write them
down
as a kind of pep talk to yourself. Exhausted - KG


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RESOURCES

20ish Parents ~ The Place for Us!
Are you a younger parent looking for friendship, support and
some fun? Then 20ish Parents is the place for YOU! Be sure to
check out our Cute Baby Contest and our Cute Kids Contest
when you visit. http://www.20ishparents.com

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100% ADD/ADHD Information Library
Information for parents on ADD/ADHD, including description
of ADD/ADHD, diagnosis, treatment options, classroom
interventions, etc. About 80 pages of information.
http://www.newideas.net/p0000374.htm

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Partner got ADD/ADHD? Need support??
http://talk.to/addspouse

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100% Dr. C & Elwood's ADHD page
A fun site for parents, children, and counsellors to learn about and
discuss attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (A.D.H.D.) The site
also will provide activity suggestions and methods of coping and
living with A.D.H.D. http://www.doctor-c.com

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IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER
Items herein are published for education/information purposes
only. Any therapy, product, service, or featured web site mentioned
does NOT imply endorsement by The Gazette. Accuracy and
content of any web sites featured cannot be guaranteed. Views
and statements written by contributors are not necessarily the
views of The ADD / ADHD Gazette.

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SEE YA NEXT TIME ~ Gail Miller 2000
theadhdgazette@...

And remember ..........
"If your not making waves than you ain't kicking hard enough"