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The ADD / ADHD Gazette
The FREE online ezine all about ADD and ADHD.
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*** ISSUE #24 ***
23RD JANUARY 2000

IN THIS ISSUE:
ADHD Questions
Obvious Letters
ARTICLE; A.D.D. & Women: Coming out of the Messy Closet
Resources


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ADHD QUESTIONS

Hi Gail
I have been working with a child who has Dyspraxia and a condition
known as ADT - I have never heard of ADT and wondered if any of
your subscribers know anything about it? If so could they please
send details to me. Thanks. Michael Tombs ~ M.Tombs@...

Just to mention that Michael Tombs, AILAM, Dip Child Psy., Dip C.D.C.
produces the UK Playworkers newsletter, a brilliant publication that
I subscribe to. Details from UKplayworkers.MTombs@...
Also, host of UKplayworkers Internet Mailing List. To subscribe
to the internet mailing list UKplayworkers click on this link:
http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/UKplayworkers

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Dear Gail,
My 7 year old daughter has not been diagnosed as having ADHD.
She is a seven year old who I have worried about for he last six years.
She is easily the most strong willed child that her family and her
teachers have ever come across. When she was approx. 3 years old,
she had to visit the physiotherapist. Unfortunately, she had decided
that she did not like this particular lady (who was very nice ).

The lady asked my daughter could she catch a ball, but she simply
stood there with her arms folded and allowed the ball to bounce off
her arms chest etc. When she was with one of her teachers, she was
driven to distraction, telling me later that it took her a half hour just
to get my daughter to look at her. They say the most maddening thing
is that they know she has the intelligence, but is very choosy as to
when she uses it.

Her behaviour is getting worse, and since she is quite a large child, I
am afraid that she is going to get to be far too much for us to handle. I
am informed that children in the class who need help more than her
aren't getting it because my daughter takes up so much time.

Just to give you some background - She has had delayed development
in almost everything. She walked at 21 months, at 3 she was still
saying mama/dada. Born by emergency caesarean section after a short
but traumatic labour. If anyone has any ideas, I'd love to hear them.
marina.mcgurran@...

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Gail,
I ran into a family who has a child they are scared of. Appears she has
tried to kill them several times. This is in the US and they have not been
able to find support to give them help. The therapists have given up
and advised them to place her in a home... only it costs 100,000 a year.
More than this family can afford. Anyway, do you know of a support
group for parents of kids with sociopathic diagnosis. This little girl is
only 13... it is an awful situation.

I subscribe to your newsletter because of my nephew. Who is doing
well on lithium and no "blue dyes". This family has been through all
the drugs & allergy testing to no avail. Thanks for any info you
might have ! VIPAngela@...

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OBVIOUS LETTERS

Looking for an A, B, C book with a difference? Well I have come
across a super one, entitled Obvious Letters. Written by Gisela
Hausmann and available from Amazon.com and Amazon UK :-

This delightful book helps younger children learn letters of the
alphabet, by illustrating each letter with an associative object,
shaped like the letter in question. For example a capital B becomes
one half of a butterfly's wings. This association helps children
remember the shape of the letter as well as the sound.

The delightful illustrations have been designed so they can be
copied and then coloured, enabling children to get actively involved
in 'creating' the alphabet. Simple; OBVIOUS. My own daughter loves
the book and I feel that it would be an excellent tool for children who
have learning difficulties, as writing and remembering are usually
extremely difficult tasks for these children.

The author, Gisela Hausmann, was born into a family with 4
generations of teachers. She has worked as an illustrator and film
production manager an around 25 TV movies and has 2 children.
Obvious Letters can be easily ordered from Amazon at
UK; http://www.Amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0966421701/gailmiller
US; http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0966421701/theaddadhdgaze


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ARTICLE; A.D.D. & Women: Coming out of the Messy Closet

I only know how to do two things - garden and paint - Claude Monet.
This article isn't about art. Monet's statement however, clearly
expresses the inner feelings people with A.D.D. often have. They
minimize the areas they perform superbly in and, instead, tend to
shift the focus on their inability to perform other tasks to the
same high standard.

If knowledge about adult A.D.D. is still in the infancy stage,
knowledge about A.D.D. in women hasn't even been born yet.

A.D.D. without hyperactivity is the most common form of the
disorder in women. People who have A.D.D. without go undiagnosed
the longest. Often, the longer the diagnosis is delayed, the more serious
the consequences are. There is a general consensus among patients
and professionals that specific gender issues, relating to the diagnosis
and treatment of women, have been overlooked.

Often, according to author Sari Solden, women in search of
appropriate treatment are short-changed in the areas of in-depth
long term treatment & lack of support for women from therapists or
family members.

All symptoms - such. as poor organization skills (the biggest symptom
for women) - must be profiled, the severity documented and bypass
strategies developed for the limitations. Often however, these core
symptoms make it hard for women to come out of the messy closet
- let alone shine a light in on it!

Neurological symptoms often appear as shy, anxious, withdrawn,
spacey or even depressed behavior. ADD women may appear
confused, or present "often in a mess", in private life and/or work.
The confusion that encompasses their lives makes them constantly
question themselves and undermines their feelings of self worth.

Women generally are given cultural messages such as; be nice, help
others, never say no and don't ask for too much. They are expected to;
not hurt anyone's feelings, not set time limits on tasks, and do all
work presented to them, without asking for favors. For women with
A.D.D., failure to be "superwomen" can culminate in a depressed
mood, a shying away from social relationships and chronic
underachievement. I personally feel that experts miss the over-achieving
women in this scenario. Sometimes hyperfocus can make women appear
successful in one area of life yet a disaster in others. There tends to be
little sympathy for this group and an assumption is made that if they
really tried hard enough a balanced life would be easily attainable.
That, and of course thin thighs! Often women find the guilt, anxiety and
shame of not meeting their potential, the motivator that prevents them
from getting the help they need

The goal in treatment is not to "cure" the problem but simply to gain
success by managing the A.D.D. This allows women to reach their
potential and stop avoiding situations they find overwhelming. Author
of Women with Attention Deficit Disorder, Sari Solden suggests using
a "3R approach" -

restructuring your life,
renegotiating your relationships and
redefining your self-image.
It is hard for all people to make changes in their lives. Family and
friends often feel anxious when things are different and keep insisting
"they liked you the old way." Also, our conditioning to put our own
needs last further complicates the issue. The balancing act first begins
with assessing the time spent on yourself vs. the time spent on the family.
Set limits and boundaries, not as a defense to keep people out but simply
as a way to enrich yourself. It is in everyone s best interest if children
and partners become completely self-sufficient and self-reliant. Women
need to stay mentally and physically healthy. The tendency is usually to
"get mom to do it." In one of the lectures at the National ADDA Conference
in Pittsburgh I was shocked to hear one prominent physician exclaim "you
needed to have a good wife in order to cope well with A.D.D. symptoms."

Hey guys, I gotta tell you, it's the '90s. June and Ward Cleaver don't live
here anymore. Any woman is exhausted these days with her work and
family issues - A.D.D. or not. And frankly, I'd like to know how therapists
think a women with A.D.D. is supposed to cope - I know stop whining
and get over it.

Try to plan your play and downtime. We all need time to relax and recharge
our batteries. I've noticed that sometimes leaving a job undone, arranging
to extend a deadline, and taking some time off to recharge my batteries,
can result in producing a better job in the end - rather than pushing myself
past my physical or mental limits. Basic needs, such as adequate sleep,
daily exercise and well balanced eating should be first on the list of
personal priorities.

Saliency determination plays a big part in our lives. Take the most time
developing your strengths. This will get you the farthest in the end -
well past dwelling on your limitations.

Once situations are addressed through restructuring, women find the
resulting structure in itself is not as controlling and unmanageable as
they assumed it would be. Need to make a fresh start this week and can't
seem to organize that kitchen or work station? Keep your sense of humor
and try tactics such as inviting friends and/or family to a pot-luck
cleaning party. It won't work everyday but it's a start. Can't organize it?
Admit it and ask for help.

Partners in the relationship often have an equally difficult task in
setting their own boundaries. A.D.D. spouses are known to be "high
maintenance. "If partners, parents or friends can't provide enough
stabilization in the day-to-day life, sometimes a personal coach can be
used. With help and planning, the grief slowly becomes acceptance
and then success help in a variety of ways, but the three main areas are:
helping you stay on track, analyzing your success and cheering you
on, and finally, helping maintain the systems and structure in your life
to keep it running smoothly.

As with receiving a diagnosis for a child - there is a cycle of grief that
women all go through after diagnosis. Acknowledge it, deal with it and
move on. If depression is evident - treat it. With help and planning the
grief slowly becomes acceptance and then success. Celebrate what
makes you different and unique. Compare a painting by Monet to one
by Picasso -which one is more beautiful, more pleasing? Can't decide?
It doesn't matter - they're both vibrant, it's really all in your
perspective.

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Ed. Note: This article appeared in the Summer '97 GRADDA Newsletter

This article appeared in the "GRADDA" Newsletter The Greater Rochester
Attention Deficit Disorder Association PO Box 23565, Rochester, New
York 14692-3565. gradda@... Their excellent web site can
be found at http://www.netacc.net/~gradda . Thank you sincerely to
Dick Smith, the GRADDA Newsletter and Web Page Editor for his kind
permission to use this article

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RESOURCES

Positive Discipline A-Z: 1001 Solutions to Everyday Parenting Problems
by Jane Nelsen, Lynn Lott, H. Stephen Glenn. If your child has had
one too many temper tantrums in the grocery store at rush hour,
"Positive Discipline A-Z" will come in handy. It's packed with "parenting
pointers" and suggestions for working through hundreds of sticky
situations, from aggression to messy rooms and all points in between.
US; http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0761514708/theaddadhdgaze
UK; http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0761514708/gailmiller

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A patient handout with practical ways to manage child behaviour problems
entitled "What Parents Can Do to Change Their Child's Behaviour"
http://www.aafp.org/patientinfo/behavior.html

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IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER
Items herein are published for education/information purposes
only. Any therapy, product, service, or featured web site mentioned
does NOT imply endorsement by The Gazette. Accuracy and
content of any web sites featured cannot be guaranteed. Views
and statements written by contributors are not necessarily the
views of The ADD / ADHD Gazette.

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LINKS
If you have a website and are looking for links. I am happy to add
a reciprocal link to The ADHD (UK) Website. Take a look at my
site http://home.freeuk.net/theadhdgazette and email me to swap links

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SEE YA NEXT TIME ~ Gail Miller 2000
theadhdgazette@...

And remember ..........
"If your not making waves than you ain't kicking hard enough"