Parenthood...If it was going to be easy, it   never would have started
with something
called labor!

Shouting to make your children obey is like using the horn to steer your
car and you get about the same results.

The smartest advice on raising children is to enjoy them while they are
still on your side.

The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant
atmosphere. And to let the air out of the tires.

Raising a teenager is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.

The joy of parenthood: What a parent
experiences when all the children are finally in bed.

Life's golden age is when the kids are too old to need baby-sitters and
too young to   borrow the family car.

Grandparents are similar to a piece of     string...handy to have
around and easily   wrapped around the fingers of grandchildren.

There are three ways to get something done: Do it yourself, hire someone
to do it, or forbid your children to do it.

Adolescence is the age when children try to bring up their parents.

You know the only people in this world who  are always sure about the
proper way to raise children? Those who've never had any.

Cleaning your house while your kids are at home is like trying to shovel
the driveway   during a snowstorm.

Oh to be only half as wonderful as my child thought I was when he was
small and half as stupid as my teenager now thinks I am.

There are only two things a child will share willingly: communicable
disease and his mother's age.

Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

Adolescence is the age at which children stop asking questions because
they know all the answers.

An alarm clock is a device for awakening people who don't have small
children.

No wonder kids are confused today. Half the  adults tell them to find
themselves; the other half tell them to get lost.

Kids really brighten a household; they never turn off any lights.