Namaste,

I have been going through a cleansing diet for the last week. At
first, it was fine…but yesterday was extremely hard for me. I
wanted things that I haven't gorged on since college. I wanted taco
bell smothered in grease, I wanted dr. peppers, cigarettes, anything
I could get my hands on. Anything except for the stupid soup that I
was allowed to eat. I was sick of it. My Naturopathic Doctor
warned me this would happen. She said as toxins begin to release
from the liver, old habits will be drudged up. Somewhat like
cellular memory. She had given me a complimentary pack of chamomile
to ease the anxiety.

I don't know why I didn't take the chamomile. I wanted to sit with
the emotions and try to break through them. My husband had ordered
a pizza for the family last night, and I was MAD. I was mad at him,
and the world because I couldn't indulge. I was mad because I had
given up so much in the last couple of years to cleanse the temple
and learn about nutrition. I know this sounds stupid because the
cleansing diet is only a weak long, and then I am allowed more of a
variety after 7 days. Not only that, I rarely eat pizza because of
the refined starches and MSG in the sauce. I just wanted it because
I couldn't have it I guess.

So I cleared my mind, focused on the breath. Let the tears of anger
fall. And then I remembered something that Osho had written about.
It was about 2 different plants that had been planted, both were
watered and nourished every day. However, one was watered with
thoughts of love and kindness. The other was watered with hate and
dark thoughts. Turns out, that the plant nourished with love
prospered, while the other one was weak. The magnitude of this
experiment didn't hit me until last night. It was at this time a
separation from self and vehicle was experienced. I am not talking
about phenomenal astral travel. I am talking about a perception of
not being just the vehical. The body was seen as a very useful tool
to experience mundane things, but the fallacy of thinking "I am
pretty, I am ugly, I am healthy, I am sick, I am (on and on…….) was
right there in my face. By identifying oneself as the body, then
One will always be a slave to the addictions of the body. Once the
separation is made, then One realizes that the body has little to do
with the actual self and only requires water, nourishing food, rest,
and fun. How simple. Also, the negative thought patterns can be
broken through with this realization. How will a body ever perform
to its optimal level if you don't give it the proper amount of love
to prosper? This was important for me to see because I am very
critical of myself at a very deep level. When my child has a
sickness, the last thing I do is get pissed off because my child
doesn't recover overnight. Naturally as a mom, I offer love and
support and care my child back to health. Why didn't I ever do that
with my own self?

Today is much better. I am still sick of the soup, but I am more
detatched and not so emotional. I guess I can see why there are
periods of fasting in all the major religions. Not only is it
healthy to rest the body, but it can also turn a person within and
the witness state can be deepened.

Love,
Avlokita